


Tell the World I'm Alive

by Crysania



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben is alive, Bendemption, F/M, Fix-It, Loss of Virginity, Post-TRoS, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 10:57:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22609825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crysania/pseuds/Crysania
Summary: Rey returns to Exegol to retrieve all she has left of Ben Solo: his shirt. But what she finds there isn't at all what she expected to find.(Title comes from the song Who Will Save You Now by Les Friction. The lyrics are just so Reylo and it's a beautiful song.)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 50
Kudos: 241
Collections: For one is both and both are one in love: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VirtualMadness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VirtualMadness/gifts).



When she wakes up, she has no idea where she is. Her eyes feel swollen and her head feels like someone put it in a vice and squeezed. Hard. It’s like she’s been crying and beaten to a pulp at the same time. And she’s not really sure if it’s one or both or _what_.

“Hey,” comes a voice. “Hey Poe, she’s awake.”

Rey groans. _Finn_. Why is Finn here? She feels like he’s not supposed to be. Like he wasn’t…before…

_Before what?_

There’s darkness there, lightning, a voice that burrows into her head and won’t let go.

She finally opens her eyes to see Finn leaning over her, his eyes dark with worry. “Poe,” he says again and there’s a strange urgency to his voice. “Hey,” he says as she meets his eyes.

“Where…”

“Ajan Kloss,” Finn says.

She tries to sit up.

That’s not right.

She was on…

A medical droid whirrs near her, tsking as it settles its spindly arms on her shoulders and pushes just slightly. “You are not ready to sit up,” it says in a grating metallic voice.

Rey sighs.

Ajan Kloss. She’d spent much time there over the past year, learning, training, preparing for a fight she couldn’t even begin to understand. She still doesn’t know who she was training to go up against. Not…

She feels a tear prick at the corner of her eyes as memories, disjointed and strange, rush back in.

She wasn’t here. Not on Ajan Kloss. She had been on _Exegol_.

“Awake, at last!” Poe says and she wants to sit up again and shout something at him. He sounds so…happy.

She’s not.

She can’t be. Not after…after…

Poe smiles and Finn claps him on the back. “We won,” Poe says, and yes, there’s that spark of something. He doesn’t know. He can’t.

 _Can’t know what_ …

“I don’t…how…” she starts to say. The words feel raw in her throat, like there’s knives there, cutting along her vocal cords. She takes a deep breath, swallows what feels like shards of glass. “How did I get _here_?”

She remembers the lightning.

Remembers _Ben_.

And there’s darkness beyond that. She was on the dirty stone floor of Exegol, with the warmth of Ben Solo fading from her hands, and then she was…here. Where everyone sounds so kriffing _happy_ while she feels like there’s something tearing into the fabric of her soul, ripping out the seams and shredding it into the tiniest of pieces.

She’s not sure what is left of _Rey_ anymore.

She feels like…

Like…

“You don’t remember?” Finn is asking and there’s so much _concern_ in his quiet voice that she feels a sob work its way up.

“Nothing,” she admits.

Nothing but the soft press of lips against hers, the smile she never thought she’d see, crinkles at the corner of his eyes and that one tooth that’s just a little sharper than the rest. She’d never seen him smile, his face more a mask than the one he’d used to hide himself from the world. Snoke, Palpatine, whoever it was, had taught him well.

Only his eyes had been fire. Fire and rage and a hurt that she’d not seen from anyone else. The eyes of a small boy still trying to cling to the mother that had considered other things more important, trying to push away from a father who’d flung himself into a life that boy couldn’t follow.

Until the end.

The end when she saw his mother’s confidence, his father’s swagger, and just a little bit of something else that must have been all his own.

Finn watches her for a moment before speaking. “We found you…down on Exegol. You were nearly passed out and almost completely delirious. Rey, I felt you _die_.” She flinches at the strident tone to his voice. “What happened?”

“I didn’t,” she says by way of explanation.

“Rey…” Finn says.

“You were wrong.” She doesn’t know what else to say, what to tell them. _How much_ to tell them. She wants to confide in Finn. He’s been one of her best friends, her _first_ friend, racing across the sands of Jakku to escape her lonely life to _this_.

 _This_ , where she’d met her bond mate, one half of a Force dyad. Now _gone_. Her breath hitches at the thought and she reaches out, by force of habit, to brush against him. But there’s nothing there.

 _Nothing_.

“All you kept saying was ‘he’s gone, he’s gone’. We found you clinging to your X-Wing and holding some scrap of clothing…”

Her head shoots up at that. Ben disappearing, leaving his worldly possessions behind. She feels the tears start and so reaches out, gripping Finn hard on the upper arm. “Where is it?”

“Where is…”

“The shirt. Where is it?”

Finn glances over at Poe, a small furrow between his brows. Poe takes that moment to step forward, and she’s not sure if he looks concerned or annoyed. “I don’t know,” he finally says. “On Exegol still, I’d guess. We left it there.” He shrugs.

Rey pushes off the bed, one hand reaching for Poe. She almost… _almost_ …feels the power coursing through her with her rage, wanting to reach out, to choke, to destroy. But then it drains out and she sinks back onto the bed.

Finn looks worried.

Poe looks terrified.

“Maybe you should get more rest,” Finn says, reaching out to disentangle her hand from where she still grips him tightly.

“I don’t need sleep.”

Poe takes a step backward. “No, Rey, I really think you do. You’re not yourself.”

“You don’t know me at all,” she snarls at him. No one does…no one, but _him_.

And he’s gone.

Gone forever.

In the blink of an eye, she’s gone from feeling whole, feeling like there was a _chance_ for them. Her hand over his, Rey and Ben together against the galaxy.

And then…

 _This_ …

The galaxy is a cruel, cruel place.

She doesn’t see the med droid that approaches from the side. She’s too focused on whatever looks Finn and Poe are exchanging.

“Rey,” Finn says.

And then there’s a sharp pick in her arm. She turns quickly, sees the droid. But it’s too late. The world fades into darkness.

* * *

Poe watches as Rey falls back. Even in a medically induced sleep, there’s a furrow between her brows. “What happened to her?”

Finn claps him on the back. “Damned if I know.” He’s watching her and Poe has a sense that there’s something else there, something he’s not telling him. And then he finally sighs and turns to meet his eyes. “I felt her die.”

“You…she…what?”

“I’m Force sensitive,” he says by way of explanation, as if it’s simply no big deal.

“ _You_ ,” Poe says. “You have the Force.”

Finn shrugs. “I have something. I don’t know. I felt the general die. And then…Rey. I felt it. She was gone, this great big hole in the Force.”

“She’s not dead,” Poe points out.

“I don’t know what happened. We went down to find her, and then I felt…something. Another shift. I don’t know, Poe. I can’t tell you what it was.” He presses a hand to his temple. “I don’t get all that mystical mumbo-jumbo she has.”

“But you have it…”

“I do,” Finn says and there’s a catch to his voice. “But I don’t _understand_ it. How could she be dead…and then not?”

Poe looks back at Rey, where she slumbers on in their medbay. “There’s a lot we don’t know.”

“Like that TIE fighter,” Finn says, and there’s a grim note to his voice.

“Exactly,” Poe responds with. They’d found her, desperate and frantic, speaking words they couldn’t understand. She’d been crawling toward the X-Wing, _Luke’s_ X-Wing that had been missing for years, crawling and sobbing and clutching a torn black shirt in her hands. They’d tried to get out of her what happened, but nothing she said was even remotely coherent.

 _Ren_ , they thought they’d heard her say.

And Poe had felt a darkness somewhere inside his heart. There was a TIE Fighter there, parked alongside Luke’s X-Wing. An old one, probably straight out of the previous war, and he wonders if Ren had found it on the wreckage of the Death Star, if he’d gone after her, followed her to Exegol for some nefarious purpose.

Poe doesn’t know what’s there between them. Rey won’t say, but they all know the relentless way he’d pursued her. More jilted lover than Dark Side apprentice. He could have killed her at any moment, struck her down when she tried to stop the transport from escaping, taken her out on the _Steadfast_ before the _Falcon_ could swoop in and take her.

But he’d let her go. Both times, he’d simply watched as she escaped. He hadn’t seemed to care about anything else. Just _her_.

And Poe still doesn’t know what that means.

Poe watches her for a moment longer before reaching out and grasping Finn’s hand in his. “Come on, she’s not going to wake up for some time.”

Finn’s still staring at her. “There are things, Poe,” he says. “Things she’s not telling us.”

“And I don’t think we want to know the answers,” Poe adds.

Finn shakes his head, finally pulling his gaze away from where Rey rests, looking all the world like a broken doll. “Yeah. I don’t think I do.”

* * *

Altogether, Rey spends about five days in the medbay, half of it knocked unconscious by a well-meaning droid. On the last day, the droid approaches her and Rey turns on it, lightsaber coming out.

Poe and Finn find her standing over what remains of the droid, a feral snarl on her face.

“Rey?” Finn asks.

She blinks.

Looks up.

“Hey,” she says. Her face tries to form into a smile, but it’s like the muscles have atrophied.

_What is there to smile about, anyway?_

He’s gone, the parts of him that were embedded beneath her skin, into muscles and bone, into the very fabric of her being, have been torn out. She’s one half of a whole. She never realized, until _now_ , how very much a part of her he was.

Even when he was hunting her across the galaxy.

Even when they’d been fighting, lightsabers crossing, sparks flying.

She knows now, and she’d take back every moment of that to simply see him smile one more time.

“Are you…” Finn starts to ask.

“I’m fine.”

“We’re going to the mess hall,” Poe says, one hand raising slightly. “If you…”

“No, I think I’m just going to go back to my quarters.” She looks down at the still smoking remains of the medroid. “It wasn’t our only one, was it?”

“There are others,” Poe says.

“None that were…” Finn starts to say, but Poe shoves at him slightly and his mouth clamps shut on the words.

“Okay then,” Rey says. She tries for a smile again, but the look fades quickly when she sees the grimaces on her friends’ faces. She steps over the droid and heads out of the room. Behind her, from somewhere, she hears Finn’s voice, _she is_ not _okay, Poe_.

He can’t know.

None of them can.

But he _knows_ at the same time, somehow she’s aware of this. She’s not okay. She’ll never be okay. There simply _is_ no okay. Not for her.

* * *

Her quarters are a barren, sparse thing. The Jedi texts, a change of clothes, a small pallet for a bed. But it’s _hers_. A little place all her own where she can curl up and wish that she had died.

 _You_ had _died_.

She amends that. She wished she had _stayed_ dead.

Living like this is no life. She has friends, certainly, and she supposes she has far more than Ben would have had, if he had been the one to live instead. But still, the world feels like an empty place, full of dark with no light, greys and blacks and a complete lack of color. The world bleeds around her, the color dissipating into nothingness.

She’s half a soul.

Kriff, but it _aches_.

“Oh, Ben,” she whispers, and she wishes she had his shirt to cling to. Some part of him that smelled like him, that she knows had been pressed to his skin. They’d left it behind, there in the dirt of Exegol, left it laying by the TIE Fighter that would never fly again, the one Ben had taken there to save her and that he’d never ever climb into again.

_Kriff, kriff, kriff._

And she realizes that’s what she needs.

She needs to find it, bring it home. It’s all she has left of him. Memories and a shirt that may still hold his scent, even if it no longer holds his warmth.

* * *

Finn’s curled up in bed, eyes drifting shut after a long night spent with Poe. They’ve been hashing things out with what still needs to be done after the defeat of the Final Order…and _other_ things. He’s not quite ready to go public with that yet, and so he crawls back to his room and falls into his own bed in an exhausted heap.

There’s a thud at the door.

“What?”

Another thud.

It’s not a _knock_. It sounds like something’s being rammed into his door, and he’s not sure if he should be annoyed or terrified.

Another thud.

And the sound of…beeps? Two sets.

 _Annoyed. Definitely annoyed_.

He pulls himself to his feet and throws the door open. “Go bother Poe,” he says to the little orange droid on the other side. D-O, BB-8’s new sidekick, is running circles around the other droid while BB-8 continues to frantically beep at him.

“Gone,” D-O says, continuing its frantic pace. “Gone…g-g-g-gone!”

“What?”

BB-8 beeps again and races off. D-O follows behind and Finn, a feeling of dread lodging somewhere between his stomach and his heart, reluctantly throws on a robe and trudges after the two droids.

He’s not surprised when they lead him right to Rey’s room. BB-8 pushes something on the panel by the door and the door slides open. Rey’s not there. _Nothing_ is there, not her staff nor her lightsaber, not the clothes she leaves strewn about. It’s like no one has ever lived in the room.

“Gone,” D-O says and there’s such a sad bent to its voice that Finn just feels _cold_.

“Yeah, buddy,” he says, staring into the dark confines of Rey’s former room. “Gone.”

* * *

She takes the X-Wing. She knows they can trace it, knows they may be able to find her. And a part of her is counting on that. If anything goes wrong…

_What could go wrong?_

_Retrieve the shirt, take one last look at where your happiness was complete and then torn away in almost the same breath, and then leave for the final time._

She’ll return soon enough. Or she won’t. She has everything that’s _hers_. She’s left the Jedi texts behind. Those aren’t really hers and she thinks they could help someone, maybe. But she has the lightsabers entrusted to her, the last one Ben ever held in his hand as they’d once again come _together_ , fought together.

And nearly died together.

 _You should have left me dead, Ben. There’s nothing here for me now_.

She’s half to the hangar when she sees Rose heading down the hallway. For a split second, she thinks about hiding from the other woman, but no sooner has the thought crossed her mind than Rose sees her.

“Rey?” Rose says, and there’s such a softness to the other woman’s voice that Rey feels herself have to choke back the tears that she’s been so adept at keeping at bay. She knows she looks like a haunted thing. Her head is pounding, her mind numb, her soul torn asunder. She knows they don’t understand, hears the whispers. _She faced the Emperor alone_.

And she wants to tell them the truth.

Tell _all_ of them.

But what points is there? Who would believe her that Ben Solo had turned, had run to her aid armed with nothing more than a blaster, had held her in his arms and given her life… _his_ life. He’ll always be the monster to them.

“Rose,” she says and shakes her head.

“What are you…” Rose starts to ask, but then nods, crosses her arms over her chest. “This is about _him_ isn’t it?”

Rey blinks.

Rose shakes her head. “They’re all so willfully blind, aren’t they?” she asks. When Rey gives her a blank look, Rose reaches out a hand to touch her arm. “The TIE Fighter? I know about it.”

“You…”

“It was _his_ , wasn’t it? He was there...Kylo Ren.” Rose says the last with a bit of a tilt of her chin.

“Ben,” Rey says in answer. “Ben Solo.” She offers up a choked little laugh, the sound of his name like a knife cleaving her heart in two. “He was no longer Kylo Ren. Not then.”

Rose nods. “And so you’re going to him?”

Rey feels that like a punch to the gut too. Oh, how she wishes that were true. That she had gone back to the Resistance and was sneaking out in the middle of the night to _find him_. “He’s dead,” she says, the words flat. She’s surprised to see tears at the corner of Rose’s eyes.

“You loved him,” Rose says.

Rey stares at her for a moment. “I…I don’t know.” It’s more than that, more than just love. Not that she knows what _love_ is. Every time she’s seen love, it seems to have torn people apart. Han and Leia, Ben and his parents. Love destroys, it eats you alive. And yet…whatever she had with Ben was somehow that and _more_. It was all-encompassing. It was her her _everything_.

Rose nods. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” she says, a soft, sad smile playing about her lips.

Rey takes a deep breath. “He died saving me.”

“Finn said you’d…”

“Died? I had. It took everything out of me to defeat my…to defeat the Emperor.” She refuses to think of him as any sort of _relation_. “And then suddenly…I wasn’t dead.” She starts to move past Rose, and then turns back for a moment. “Let them know that, will you? What he did?”

Rose nods and reaches out to hug her briefly before stepping back. “Go find yourself, Rey,” she says.

Is that what she’s doing? _Finding herself_. She doesn’t know. She’s lost half of herself, and she can’t quite bring herself to tell Rose that it’s not just about loving him, but about having a part of your soul carved out, ripped to shreds, and _no one knowing_. No one knows of the bond, no one knows of how they’d poured their hearts out to each other, swore they’d never be alone again, and then had that all torn to pieces as the war and their opposites sides on it took its toll.

“Thanks,” she says and then she’s disappearing into the hangar. It’s a terrible final word to a woman who has become a friend of hers over the past year. Maybe the only person she _might_ have been able to open up to about Ben. She hadn’t, of course, but she knew the opportunity was there.

 _Thanks_ and that’s it.

She supposes she’s not ready to say goodbye, not to any of them. Perhaps a farewell, see you again soon. She has no idea where she’s going, not after she finds what is left of Ben back on Exegol. But she’ll figure something out.

* * *

The flight is not an easy one, and Rey relives those moments where she had just left Ahch-to, flying to her fate on the planet of the Sith. Facing her _grandfather_. She still shivers at the thought. But he’s gone. Dead and gone and this time for good. The galaxy feels lighter for it, even if it all weighs heavily on her heart.

She hadn’t realized that, not really at least. How much his being alive, even in the half-state he was in, had weighed down the galaxy around them. What a strange thing, that. That one man could grow so powerful, could take on the embodiment of all the evils in the galaxy in his attempt to twist it to suit his needs. It’s unfathomable.

She follows the twists and turns the Wayfinder leads her on, somehow more _aware_ this time. It’s familiar and yet not at the same time. She still has it…the Sith Wayfinder. She doesn’t know why she’s kept it. The planet is dead now, the Emperor and his Sith loyalists gone for good. But the Wayfinder, even its burnt-out shell, _works_.

It’s taking her back.

Back to where everything was so wrong and yet so right at the same time.

Back to where she held him, kissed him, felt the warmth of his presence and the softness of his lips, tangled her hand in his hair and wanted to hold on forever. Where it was all ripped out of her, torn, ragged edges of a soul not entirely her own.

_We’re a dyad in the Force…_

It’s meaningless. All meaningless if he is not there with her.

She comes in down over the planet, the same way she did before. The world hasn’t changed, and it sends a shiver down her spine. Lightning still strikes the ground intermittently, races from cloud to cloud. In the moments of light, she can see the crashed ships in the mists of the planet, can make out the Sith temple that had one nearly been her downfall.

She circles and watches the area near the temple during each lightning strike.

She’s looking for the TIE that’s been left behind, a lonely thing whose pilot will never be returning. She’ll leave it there, a sort of testament to Ben Solo’s redemption, to his coming for her, to his _sacrificing himself_ for her.

She doesn’t see it in the first lightning strike.

She circles again.

Doesn’t see it in the next.

Or the next.

She’s sure this is the right place. She can see the floating citadel, one side cracked and listing heavily to the side.

She can see the path through the middle of it.

Another lightning strike.

She comes in lower, and then she sees it. The place where she had landed before. The marks in the dirt are still there from where the X-Wing rested, footsteps moving away from it. She lands in much the same spot and leans back against her seat, pulls her helmet off.

Throwing open the top of the X-Wing, she pulls herself up and stares. She can see the imprints. They’re as obvious as the ones she rested her X-Wing on top of.

But the TIE Fighter?

It’s not there.

She takes a deep breath, casts her mind out into the Force.

 _You know what it means_ , comes a voice.

She leaps out of the X-Wing and steps closer to where she’d last seen Ben’s TIE. She still has no idea how he’d gotten there, how he’d found it. She has vague flashes of memory of seeing it next to her X-Wing and breaking down. She gasps.

“Leia?” she asks.

Leia’s dead. She can’t be…

But then she sees through the gloom around her, a little bit of blue that becomes brighter, more solid. “Leia,” she whispers. “I mean…Master…”

Leia is standing before her, blue-tinged and a little ethereal. She looks lighter, younger, a gentle smile on her face. “Rey,” she says, and Rey feels herself crumble, sinking to her knees. Leia steps closer.

“Where is he? Surely, you’ve seen him,” she says, trying not to choke on the words. “You must have seen him…”

“I have,” she says.

“Then tell him to come here, show himself. I need…” She takes a gasping breath. “I _need_ …”

“He’s not here. Not with me.”

“But…” He must be. He sacrificed himself. If his grandfather could become one with the Force, could manifest as a Force Ghost, surely Ben…

“Rey, look at me.”

Rey does as she asks, looking up to meet her eyes. Leia moves closer to her, her steps a gliding thing, almost as if she’s floating and yet not at the same time. She leaves no footprints in the sand the way Rey does.

She can still see them, the two sets of footprints leading to their doom. Hers look small there, evidence of her hesitancy and worry, of her terror and uncertainty. She had walked steadily to face him, but she knows she didn’t know what her purpose was, didn’t know what she had come there to do. She had been so alone, so scared, and yet so determined.

And then there are his. Long strides, confident. She’s fairly certain he had been running if the distance between them is any indication.

“Where is the TIE?” Rey asks. Where is his _shirt_? The one that Poe and Finn had so callously tossed aside when they’d retrieved her.

“You’re missing the obvious.” There’s amusement in Leia’s voice.

“Missing?”

“Look again.”

She stares at where the TIE had one been. Who had taken it? Who would _dare_? It had been the last ship Ben had flown, the only one he’d flown as _Ben_ since his fall to the Dark side. How dare they…

It takes her a moment to realize Leia is pointing, not in the direction of the TIE, but away from it, back toward the Sith temple and the footsteps she had been following before.

“Footsteps,” Rey murmurs.

“Yes.”

“There are…”

 _“_ Two going in…” Leia’s voice is soft, leading.

“Two going out.”

“ _Yes_.”

Rey stares, frozen, and then she’s moving, one foot in front of the other, following the staggering path of footsteps that is headed _away_ from the temple, steps that were returning to the ships. There are two sets close to the ships. And as she moves further away, there’s only the one.

One starts halfway between the citadel and where the ships were. There’s one set of footprints and then suddenly there’s _two_ , following the same path. Neither look like the steps of a person who was doing all that well. Rey had been exhausted, barely coherent, her feet dragging. She can see those patterns easily in the sand, a step, a drag, another step.

The other is uneven, evidence that one leg was being dragged behind the other. Every few meters or so there’s a hand print in the dust.

They lead to where the TIE had been parked.

They lead to Ben’s TIE, the one that’s no longer there.

“I…” she starts to say.

 _“_ Yes?” There’s amusement to Leia’s voice.

“He’s alive?” she whispers. It’s the only explanation and Leia’s small nod is all she needs to confirm it. She can’t feel him in the Force, her bond is still in tatters, but he’s _alive_.

Somewhere…


	2. Chapter 2

When Ben comes to, he’s lying in the dirt and his entire body feels like it’s on fire. He coughs, tries to roll over, and he feels the pain chase its way from his ribs right down to his feet. He’s bloodied, broken, and there’s a wound so deep inside him that he can’t quite feel his way out of it.

But Rey, she’s alive.

He opens his eyes.

“Rey?” Her name comes out on a croak, the prayer of a hopeless man. She’s not there. No one is. But he’s no longer in the Sith temple. He glances around himself and sees it in the distance, rising from the mists of the planet. _How did I get here?_

He rolls to his stomach and has to breathe deeply through his nose, has to fight to not vomit. How sad would that be? The former Kylo Ren, retching outside a Sith temple like a mewling baby. _Pathetic_.

He shivers.

And it’s that moment that he realizes he’s _naked_. “Kriff,” he mutters as he manages to pull himself to his knees. He wraps his arms around his upper body, which looks more mottled bruises than pale skin at this point. There’s a wound in his side and he’s sure there’s an irony there, that this particular wound takes the place of where Chewie’s bowcaster once shot through him. That, he knows, had been healed.

Healed by Rey.

He had felt his body knit back together, old wounds fading, like he was somehow born anew. The Phoenix, as it were, risen from the ashes of his own destruction.

There are whispers in his mind, of another place, somewhere he went to. After they’d…oh _kriff_ , she’d _kissed_ him. She’d pressed her lips, soft and gentle, to _his_ , tangled her hands in his ( _his!_ ) hair. And then it all faded.

_Ben_ …

“Who’s there?” he says as he pulls his way to his feet, clutching at his side. He’s sure he cuts an intimidating figure, half bent over and covered in bruises. He wants to laugh but even the thought of it causes spasms of pain to shoot through him. The lightsabers are gone. His blaster? He doesn’t see it, glancing around the area he’s found himself in. It’s either with Rey, wherever she is, or still down below.

He tries to cast out with the Force but…there’s a block.

_What?_

He can’t _feel_ her. And he’s cold in ways that are far worse than just being naked on a Sith planet in the middle of nowhere. Rey’s ship is gone. Of course it is. He’d disappeared to whatever Force forsaken place he’d gone to. And she’d left.

Why would she stay?

She can’t feel him either.

He’s dead.

Or was, he thinks.

It’s all still so muddled and he tries to delve into the memories, but he can’t find them, can’t pull them out. They slip away with every attempt to pull at them, only glimpsed out of the corner of his eye and then flitting away if he tries to focus on them.

_Ben…_

His hand goes to his waist at the sound of the voice again, and he curses. “This is ridiculous. I have no weapons.” No response. “I don’t even have any kriffing clothes!” The latter is shouted into the wind and lightning of the place and he hears it echo back at him.

It should be funny.

It’s _not_ funny.

He thinks the voice says his name again, but he can’t be sure. It’s faint.

“Rey?” he says, and just her name pierces him through his heart. He’s given up everything for her, given her his very life. And he’d do it again, just to see her smile, to hear his name on her lips, to feel her in his arms. It’s everything he’s ever wanted, everything he dreamed of and knew he could never have.

He’d had it.

For a moment.

And it had been so very, very lovely.

He never thought he’d live through it and truth be told, he’s still not completely sure he _is_ alive. He feels every bit of the cuts and bruises and broken bones on his body. No one to heal him now. But perhaps this is his own personal hell, feeling abandoned and exposed, cold and injured, and with this _wound_ so deep inside him that he feels it gnawing at his guts.

_Leave_ …

“Can I?” He turns to stare at the TIE. Where would he go? _Where Rey is_ , he thinks. But he doesn’t know where she is. And it’s not like he could just waltz into the Resistance base, naked and beaten to within an inch of his life and expect anything but a blaster bolt to the gut.

Wouldn’t that just be the proper ending for Kylo Ren? Gunned down by a bunch of Rey’s Resistance buddies, unarmed and _naked_.

_You can…you must_ …

He feels the air around him shiver then.

No, he feels the _ground_ shiver and watches as a crack forms in the citadel. A memory surfaces as everything starts to break down around him. He’d barely made it up the edge of the cliff that the Emperor had tossed him down.

_This world is dying…_

“Who are you?” he asks, as he stumbles a few steps toward the TIE.

_That’s not important. This world is dying and you must leave._ He hesitates. _Now!_

He feels a shiver trace down his spine, wraps his arms around himself, and pulls himself, one limping step after another, to the TIE. The climb up into the thing is not going to be an easy one. And kriff, why did they make these things so impossibly tall. When he’d found it before, when he’d manage to crawl into it, it had been from up above.

But now…

_The Force_ …

He tries to reach for it, tries to pull it to himself, wrap it around his body and allow him to have the buoyancy needed to get to the top of the damned ship. It’s there, he realizes. Sluggish and defiant. The lighter side of the Force has never come easily to him, and he’s often discarded it in favor of the dark side’s seductive tendency to quickly pull him along.

But now he can’t access that.

He’s on the planet that’s the darkest, the most evil, the secret world of the Sith, and the light still _burns_ him, as if Rey’s light had somehow become his own.

_You sacrificed yourself…_

“And yet I’m still here.”

He finally musters up the energy to wrest what little of the Force he can, enough to pull himself up and over the TIE. He opens the hatch and drops in heavily. He’s going to leave here. He’s going to go…somewhere.

Somewhere he can find clothes, he hopes.

“Kriff…”

The planet shudders beneath him. Another crack opens in the Sith temple. Lightning streaks past and strikes in a shower of sparks and fire. Without even having any idea what he’s doing, where he’s going, his hands are on the controls and he’s in the air.

He fades in and out of consciousness as the TIE streaks away from the planet. He has no idea how much time has passed, how far away he is from it, when he feels it…not an explosion, not exactly. It’s as if the planet simply ceases to exist. He closes his eyes, for just a moment, and then lets his hand fly over the controls of the ship. He has no idea what he’s inputting. He just knows it’s _right_. He’ll let the Force guide him to where he needs to be.

* * *

“What do you mean it’s _gone_?” Poe is asking.

Rose stands at the controls, hands flying over them sure and strong. She pauses, inputs something else, and they all stare at the star chart for the region they’d so recently fought their final battle in.

“It’s gone,” Rose repeats. “It was there one minute. And now…” She shrugs.

“Isn’t that where you said Rey was headed?” Poe asks.

“Yes,” she answers, still staring at the controls. She had told them, had given them Rey’s words, about death and resurrection and the tragic end to Ben Solo’s life. They’re still reeling from it, she supposes.

“Then…” Poe starts to say, runs a hand through his hair.

Finn reaches out and puts a hand on the other man’s forearm. “No,” he says. “She’s not dead. I’d feel it. I did before…” He pauses there, shakes his head. “Or I thought I did…”

“You did,” Rose says. “She died. And he brought her back.” It seems that no matter how many times she tells them this, Finn refuses to believe it, refuses to believe Ben Solo could be anything other than the monstrous Kylo Ren.

“He’s behind this,” Finn says, his words dark.

“Kylo Ren?” Poe asks.

Finn nods. “I just know it. He’s been behind everything.”

Rose shakes her head at that. She’d seen Rey, seen the way she spoke of him and the way her whole face softened. She wouldn’t pretend to understand it. They’d all seen the destruction wreaked by the First Order; they’d all faced down Kylo Ren in their own way. But Rey had been close to him in a way no one else could understand. And the two had defeated the Emperor together.

She hadn’t asked for details as to what exactly happened there.

But she could see enough.

Poe’s watching her when she looks up at them and there’s a tightness about his face. “Come on, Finn,” he says. “I think this one may not actually be his fault.”

“He’s dead,” Rose points out.

Finn looks like he’s about to say something else, when Poe speaks again. “Just trust her. You always did before.”

Rose watches as he takes a deep breath. “Alright,” Finn says, his voice tight. “I trust her. It’s just _him_ I don’t trust.”

Finn pushes away from them then and quits the room, leaving Poe and Rose to stare at each other. She’s really not sure why Finn is so untrusting of someone Rey has told her is dead. But still, a shiver traces down her spine. They all know Finn is Force sensitive to some degree. He sensed Rey’s death.

And she wonders, not for the first time, if perhaps there’s something Finn understands that the rest of them don’t. Something specific to Kylo Ren, or Ben Solo, as Rey insists they call him. Something that indicates his death is not quite so permanent as any of them think.

* * *

He contemplates going to another planet, finding clothes. But then how does one explain that he’s not _really_ Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, and yes he really _is_ sitting in this ancient TIE fighter naked as they day he was born.

No, that one can’t happen.

So he lets his fingers input the directions to some planet in the Unknown Regions. He has no idea where he’s going, and he shivers. The TIE is not exactly a comfortable place to be for someone not wearing clothes. And he’s searched the thing, hoping it might yield _something_. Even a cloak, an old shirt or pair of pants. _Anything_.

Wrapping his arms around his body, he falls back into the seat, head resting against it, and lets the ship go on autopilot.

In his dreams, he reaches out for the Force, but finds it empty, a blank fog. He tries to push through, hears voices whispering to him, but he can’t quite make out the words.

_Rey_ …

But there’s no response from her.

Their bond is quiet.

She thinks he’s dead. And perhaps he would be better off if he were. _She_ would be better off, certainly. But he wonders if her death and his…whatever it was…has led to the bond being severed once and for all. They were a dyad, or so says the Oracle, so says Palpatine. They’re one soul in two bodies, but now he feels every bit of his _own_ body, the bruises, and pains and the horrors of all he’s been put through.

But he can’t feel _her_.

And every time he reaches, he feels a hitch somewhere in his heart that makes him almost double over in pain. He knows she’s not dead. He made _sure_ of that, and her X-Wing being gone when he returned to his TIE tells him all he needs to know. She’s gone. Back to her friends, he hopes, back to where she’s safe and loved and no longer tied to a monster like him.

It's easier that way.

And yet…he still feels her light filling in the holes in the tattered remains of his soul, wants to bask in that warmth.

_Rey_ …

He drifts, in and out of dreams, in and out of nightmares, for only the Force knows how long. When he wakes, his ship is approaching a planet. He glances down at the controls, pulls up a map, and takes a deep breath. _How did it_ …

It’s no matter.

He’s flying down into the atmosphere before he can think of anything else to do, coming in for a landing at a small flat place on one of the only islands. When he pulls himself up and out of the ship, just barely making it before falling to the ground in a heap, he realizes he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

He lays there, beneath the TIE, taking a few deep breaths, feeling every rock digging into his naked backside.

He knows this place.

He doesn’t know how, but he knows it.

He pulls himself back up to his knees, then to his feet. It’s a craggy place, damp and cool. He shivers, noting that it’s dusk. Either sunset or sunrise, he’s not sure. He hobbles away from the TIE, looking up a series of steps. They lead up the side of a craggy hill, leading to…huts.

Yes.

He knows this place.

_Ahch-to_.

This is where Rey was when it all began, when they first found each other in the Force. He remembers her shooting him, hurling insults, and finally reaching across the galaxy to each other. It was the start of something, the start of whatever it is that has brought him _here_ , that has, in a way, brought him _home_.

He begins his climb.

It’s not easy, holding his side, limping on one useful leg. But he does it, taking one hobbling step after another. He comes to the first landing, leans against the hut he finds there. It’s not the right hut. He knows this much, and when he peers inside there’s nothing there save the remnants of some ancient fire, crumbling to dust in the dark interior.

He continues.

It’s slow going.

Painful.

It’s what he deserves, he thinks, penance for all he’s done wrong in this world. He can feel the Force there, winding its way around him. For a moment, he feels light, buoyant, and then he takes another excruciating step. And another.

When he gets to the next landing, he knows he’s in the right place. He sees a small group of huts, one in tatters. That’s where they were, where _she_ was when they reached out to each other for the first time.

He stares at it for a moment longer, his mind looking inward. He still can’t feel her, but _here_ he feels somehow closer to her, as if all he has to do is stand in the middle of all that rubble and _breathe_ and he will somehow bring her into existence.

Is this to be where he spends the remainder of his days?

_“_ No, I don’t think so,” comes the voice behind him.

He whirls on his good leg, the bad one twisting as he does so. He winces, and then his eyes fall on her.

“Mother,” he says, just one moment before he realizes two things: She’s glowing blue and so after her death, she must have become one with the Force; and he is standing in front of his _mother_ as naked as they he was born. He can feel his entire face go red and frantically tries to cover himself with his hands.

Thank the Force he has large hands.

His mother makes that scoffing noise that used to really grate on his nerves, but for some reason feels almost endearing at that moment. Well, it _would_ , if he weren’t stark kriffing naked in front of her.

“It’s not like I haven’t seen it before,” she says.

“Mother…I was a toddler the last time…”

She waves one blue-tinged hand. “You’re not _that_ different from your father in some ways.”

And he chokes, coughs, and _oh kriff_ he had forgotten just how irreverent his mother could be. Only _her_ Force ghost would come to him here and talk about such things.

“Mother,” he says again, and she laughs, waving her hand in the air.

“You’re not going to spend the remainder of your days here,” she says, and now she sounds serious. “Call this a stopping point on your journey, a bit of a rest before you begin the rest of your life.” She takes a few steps toward him and he wonders, for a moment, if she can touch him. He still doesn’t know the laws of Force ghosts, what they can do, what they can’t do. He had always hoped his grandfather would find him. And now, it’s his mother who does. “Son,” she says, and he’s surprised to hear her voice break.

“I…” he starts to say. Not that he knows _what_ he’s trying to say. The words won’t come. Still.

“I’m sorry,” Leia says and there’s real sorrow to her voice.

“What?”

“I failed you,” she responds with, an echo of her brother’s voice from not that long ago. Ben feels the warm prick of tears at the corners of his eyes, feels his mouth turn down, that choking sensation he’s so familiar with.

“I failed,” he says. “I failed you. And…and Dad…and…”

“Rey?” his mother asks. He just nods, the truth laid bare. “No,” she says and his eyes flit up to hers.

“No?”

“You _saved_ her son.”

“Then why can’t I feel her?” he explodes with. The familiar rage traces down his limbs, but fizzles quickly. He doesn’t feel stronger for it, his knees buckling, and he hits the ground hard. His mother comes to stand over him, and he’s surprised that when her hand touches his shoulder, he can feel it.

He looks up at her, naked and so very vulnerable, and feels her lean down to wrap her arms around his shoulders. . He feels himself knit back together, feels himself become somehow whole again, as if somehow his mother has imbued him with everything she is, healed every ache and pain. It’s a warmth that brings back those feelings of safety, of love and caring that he hasn’t felt in so very long.

Only when he was in Rey’s arms, her lips fused to his, her hand in his hair. It’s the safest he’s felt since he was a very small boy.

“You will,” his mother says as she backs away from him. She looks up to the sky and smiles. “And it won’t be long.”

“Mom?” he says.

She nods. “Luke probably left some clothes in his hut.” She turns and waves her hand toward one a bit further up the hill.

_Great, more steps_. “I don’t think…”

“That they’ll fit? There’s probably a robe,” his mother cuts him off with. It’s eerie, how she seems to be finishing his thoughts. He supposes that’s part of being a Force ghost and tries to shrug it off. The last thing he needs is for her delving too far in and seeing any of his thoughts about Rey. “I see those too,” she says, and smirks. “Alright, I don’t really. I just saw the way the tips of your ears turned bright red and figured out where your thoughts had gone to.”

Ben takes a deep breath. “You said I’d grow into them,” he points out.

She shrugs. “I can’t be right about everything.” He can see her starting to fade, and he wants to rush after her, wants to find out more, hear more, _know_ more.

“Mom…” he starts to say.

“I love you, Ben,” she says. “More than you can know.”

And then she’s gone. He never has the chance to say the words back to her, not that he could have managed it. He couldn’t get them out when he was confronted with the memory of his father, confronted with what he had done to him. He couldn’t now. Maybe he won’t ever be able to.

_You’d like to…with Rey_.

With a sigh, he steels himself for the next short climb to his uncle’s hut. He’s not sure he’s ready to face those memories really, to see what his uncle left behind when he’d passed into the Force. No doubt he’s the first one to make their way there since it happened a year ago. He has no idea what he’ll find, but he knows he needs to do it.

He needs to face this last bit of his legacy.

* * *

Before she leaves Exegol, Leia hands her a scrap of clothing. _He left this behind_ , she tells her with only the sorrow a mother can show. Rey clutches it to her chest, presses her face into it. It mostly smells of the dust of Exegol, that sort of tang of darkness that hangs over the whole place, but there’s a little bit of Ben there.

She breathes in deep.

Leia smiles at her. _See that he gets that. When you see him again_ …And then she’s done, disappearing with that serene smile still on her face.

She knows.

And she approves.

Rey races back to her X-Wing, and climbs in. She folds the shirt reverently on her lap, and takes another deep breath, her hands coming up to touch the controls of the ship. They’re practically not under her power. She has her hands on them, and she’s inputting something in. Coordinates of some sort. She doesn’t know where they’re coming from, but it’s not from _her._ Her hands fly over the controls as the X-Wing takes off from Exegol. She flies over the land, over the sea, keeping fairly low to the ground. Lightning strikes all around her, but doesn’t touch her ship as she flies, easily dodging it.

And then she’s lifting off.

It’s time to leave that place of horror. She takes one last look at it as she flies into the atmosphere. And then she’s zipping away from it, across the galaxy to parts unknown.

It takes her a moment of staring at the coordinates that she’s entered on the screen to realize where she’s headed.

_Ahch-to._

The Force, apparently, has decided she has unfinished business there.

She closes her eyes, leans back, lets the Force guide her back to a place that was as much a home as any she’s experienced. As she drifts off into a contented sleep, there’s only one thought that keeps going around and around in her mind.

_Ben Solo is alive…_

* * *

She wakes when she’s approaching the planet and just seeing it sends a shiver up her spine. This is where so much of it started. Where she retreated to after her first face-off with Kylo Ren, where she started her journey in the Force and discovered that she’d somehow found herself bonded to him.

It had been a horrible thing at first. Unwanted and discouraging, that her journey should begin with a bond to a monster.

And then she’d seen the soul behind the monster, found Ben instead of Kylo, and the warmth of their connection. She doesn’t know when she started to really see _Ben_ , or when she’d started to feel that warmth deep inside her, that want and that _need_ for their connection. She can’t imagine life without it now, can’t imagine who she’d be without _him_. She doesn’t want to know.

She circles around the planet and comes in for a landing where once the Falcon sat. The TIE fighter is there already, and she thrills to see it.

_He’s alive_ …

She still can’t quite feel him but here…here on this planet where the Force is so strong, she _almost_ can.

She lands the X-Wing next to the TIE and is out of her ship almost as soon as she touches down. As she moves away from the two ships, she turns back and just stops. The world spins and for a moment, she’s back on Exegol, back where her world was ripped apart, seeing the TIE that he had taken to find her and that would never leave the planet, a lone sentinel, the only testament to Ben Solo’s turn to the light.

And then everything solidifies, the world comes back, the chill and persistent dampness of the island world of Ahch-to, the cries of the Porgs, the roars of the Thala-sirens as they lounge near the sea. The caretakers are just as unhappy to see her as she is to see them. They’re watching her, chattering away in their guttural language.

“Sorry,” she murmurs and she’s not sure if that’s for the things she did while she was last on the planet or if it’s for her return to the place. “I need to be here.”

They stare at her, and then turn away.

They know she’s right.

She takes a deep breath and sets to walking up the stairs, retracing those steps she took so long ago, when she was a mere girl, and not the woman she’s become. When she was unsure and scared of the power she suddenly found herself with. She’d been out of control, terrified, and so afraid she’d fall the way Kylo Ren did. Because if the son of Resistance fighters, the nephew of one of the greatest Jedi of his time, can fall, why couldn’t a lonely scavenger?

She pauses.

Casts out with the Force.

The further she goes up the steps, the more she can feel _him_. He’s there, and she slows her breathing, syncing it to his. The bond has not fully opened, but it’s the first time she has a sense that it’s still _there_ , that it’s just waiting, biding its time. “Ben,” she whispers, and she feels something echo through the Force, like ripples from a rock dropped into the sea.

_Rey?_

“Yes!” she says. She knows where he is. She can _feel_ him.

She flies up the steps, sometimes taking two at a time, and races across the hill at the top of the island. At the crest of the hill, overlooking the cliffs of Ahch-to, she stumbles to a stop.

She closes her eyes for a moment, the world suddenly blazing with colors. Ben Solo is there, standing just at the top of the hill, watching her. The wind is wild up so high, whipping his hair out around his face. His lips are parted, his eyes wide.

He’s there.

Really there.

And Rey has absolutely no idea what comes next.


	3. Chapter 3

Ben takes a step toward her and then freezes.

Rey takes a step and freezes too.

It feels like a hundred years since she last saw him.

It feels like they just parted moments ago.

It feels like she just watched him fade away into nothingness in front of her. It feels like finding his TIE fighter on Exegol next to her X-Wing and then waking up far away with friends who can never understand what she went through, what she lost.

“Rey,” he says, his voice hitching on the single syllable.

She breaks then, running up the last of the hill to stand in front of him. She has no idea what to do with her hands, with her body. She looks up at him, meets his eyes, glances down at his lips, remembers the smile that graced his face, remembers the feel of those lips pressed to hers. It had been such a gentle kiss, her first, soft and sweet and over far too quickly.

Ben is watching her now, a little warily, his eyes still so wide. He doesn’t make any motion to step forward, to embrace her. He’s wearing a cloak, brown and a little tattered. He clutches it around himself like it’s a lifeline, and when she looks down, she’s surprised to see his bare feet and lower legs peeking out from under it.

She feels a blush come across her cheeks.

She doesn’t know why, but those feet, big and strong, and so very vulnerable, have her mind going in directions she doesn’t quite expect.

“Rey,” he repeats.

She looks back up at him. “Ben?”

He nods.

She smiles and steps toward him. All she wants to do is fall into his arms, let him wrap her up in those strong arms, feel his body, alive and warm and breathing, against hers. “Aren’t you going to…” She shrugs, holding her arms open a bit. She doesn’t quite know how to ask for what she wants.

 _What_ do _you want, Rey?_

“I…” he starts to say, clears his throat. His arms pull the cloak tighter around himself. “You…uh…you didn’t happen to bring my shirt, did you? Or may pants?” His cheeks are a little pink, and he starts to lift his hand to his hair, before he startles a little, and returns it to where it’s been wrapped around his side.

“I have the shirt in my X-Wing…” Her voice trails off, and her eyes move down his body, back to those legs of his, and _oh kriff_. “Are you naked under that thing?”

“You…uh…might have noticed that when I disappeared, I left everything behind?” The color deepens on his cheeks and she can just barely see the tip of one red ear sticking out of his hair.

“Oh…oh Force,” she mutters. “Of course.”

“Luke’s…uh…not really my size.”

“Right.” Of course he’s not. _No one_ is Ben’s size. Luke was barely taller than her, and while she might be tall for a woman, she is certainly quite a bit shorter than Ben. And that’s not even mentioning the sheer breadth of his chest.

“I didn’t expect to live,” he says softly, and Rey feels tears prick at the corners of her eyes.

“Don’t you _ever_ do that again, Ben Solo.” She reaches out and wraps her hand around his arm. “Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t.”

“Never,” she says, and her eyes bore into his.

He nods. “Never. I promise.”

She watches him for a moment longer before stepping closer, going up on her tiptoes. “Ben,” she whispers.

“I’m here,” he says.

“You’re _real_.” The words are a little breathless. She can feel the heat radiating off of him, can feel the firmness of his forearm beneath her fingers. He’s real and solid and _here_. He’s also _naked_ beneath the cloak and that sends a little frisson of desire down her body.

He nods and his eyes flit to her lips. “I am.”

“Ben,” she whispers, and then she goes up on her tiptoes. She’s surprised that he meets her this time, dipping his head so their lips can meet. She feels him smile against her lips, and she slides her tongue across his lips, his teeth, before he makes a small noise in the back of his throat and opens his mouth to let her in.

It's a heady feeling, his tongue sliding along hers. She never quite really _imagined_ what this would feel like, but she _likes_ it.

He opens his arms and wraps them around her, pulling her in close. When her arms come around him, under the cloak, he groans. Her hands come to rest of the bare skin of his back, and she realizes that she’s pressed against his body. His very _naked_ body.

And there’s something hard pressing into her stomach.

She pulls back from the kiss to look up at him. His eyes are dark, the pupils blown wide open. “Rey,” he murmurs, and she wraps herself even more tightly around him. “Oh kriff, _Rey_ …”

And then it happens.

It hits her like a blaster shot, almost taking her straight off her feet.

Instead, she clings harder to Ben and hears him mutter a curse as he holds tight to her.

The bond.

It opens.

It’s stronger than before, hot and white, and wrapping them in its security, in its beauty. She feels tears in her eyes, down her cheeks, and feels Ben shaking as he clings to her. She whispers his name as their minds reforge the connection. She can feel it, racing like lightning across their nerves, reconnecting synapses and creating new pathways between their minds.

She comes to with a gasp, her eyes opening as she realizes her face is pressed tightly into the skin of his chest. Memories flit through her mind, lazily, as if she’s watching some old holovid that skips every once in awhile. _Do you have a cowl…you_ are _a monster…_

He's not.

Not anymore.

* * *

He feels like every nerve in his body is on fire, alive in ways he’s never felt before. He wraps Rey… _Rey_ …in his arms, inside his uncle’s ratty old cloak and pulls her tight against him. He can feel every inch of her, warm and _alive_ there pressed up against him. Her hands come around him, wrap around his back, pressing into the bare skin there and he shudders as the bond races through every bit of his mind.

It's almost too much.

He can feel his knees buckle, can feel her holding tight to him. In a way, her strength holds him up, keeps him from collapsing into a heap.

He doesn’t know how he manages to _not_ collapse, even with her there to add her strength.

He sometimes still feels barely alive.

Everything spins and then he hears her gasp, feels her push back, and for a moment he’s standing bare before her, hands hanging loosely at his sides, cloak open.

She’s staring.

Her eyes trace the lines of his body and he knows he’s hard, his cock jutting out toward her like it’s seeking her warmth and the bond that’s now thrown wide open. When her eyes come back up to his they’re wide, her lips are parted, and she looks like she wants to say something.

He stands mute for a moment longer.

 _A cowl or something_ …

“Oh, kriff,” he mutters, grapping both sides of the cloak tightly around himself. “Rey, I’m…”

She clears her throat. “No, don’t apologize.” She’s still watching him and there’s this look on her face. _Curiosity_ , he thinks. “Was that…for…” She can’t seem to quite finish the thought, waving her hand up and down herself as her cheeks turn bright red.

“Yes,” he answers, and then cringes. “For you…all for you.”

“Wow.”

“Rey,” he starts to say and she steps closer, pushing up on her toes to kiss him softly.

When she returns to her feet, she shakes her head. “How are you here?”

“On Ahch-to?”

“ _Alive_ ,” she says.

He lifts a hand to cup her face, searches her eyes. He can see the tracks her tears have made down her cheeks, can see that they’re close to overflowing again. She shakes her head again and when she tries to look away, he cups her face with his other hand as well. “I…I don’t know. I’m not sure I was ever really dead. I went…someplace.”

“Someplace?”

He heaves a sigh, “Have you ever heard of the world between worlds?”

She’s watching with a furrow between her brows. “I don’t think so.”

He nods. “It’s a concept I’ve only ever heard spoken of in the vaguest of terms. I don’t really know if it’s where I went.” He closes his eyes, feels her hands come up to touch his. “But then I was on Exegol and you were gone.”

“I couldn’t feel you.” Her voice is shaky as she speaks. “Not in the Force. Our bond had gone quiet. Like you weren’t there. Like you’d _never_ been there.”

“I suppose in a way I _wasn’t_ here. But I wasn’t dead. Not really. Sort of…”

“Halfway in between?” she finishes with.

“Yes,” he murmurs. “I’m here now.”

“And you won’t leave again?” Her voice is so small, so small and scared and he feels it rip right through him.

“I came back,” he says and he sees her head shoot up. People don’t come back for Rey. He knows this. She confided him that the first time anyone ever came back for her it was his father. And Finn. And Chewie. They’d come back, tried to save her at the same time his father tried to save _him_.

There was a poetry there.

“You came back,” she whispers.

“I will _always_ come back.” She looks up at him then and Force, he just wants to…to…kriff, he has no idea what he wants to do. He’d imagined this moment any number of ways.

With her coming to him and letting him teach her the dark side of the Force.

With them running away together, leaving all this behind. No First Order. No Resistance. Just _them_.

With them ruling the galaxy together. The Supreme Leader and his Empress.

And in all of them, he’s pretty sure he was _not_ dressed in his uncle’s abandoned robe, naked and shivering on the top of some kriffing cold and windy island.

She nods then and steps back. “We should take shelter.” Her eyes look past him, up toward the sky and he turns to follow the path of her gaze. “There’s a storm coming.”

“Great…more lightning?”

She smiles. “No, just a lot of rain. They come nearly every day here.”

He cocks his head to the side. “You enjoy that, don’t you?”

“On Jakku, there are sand storms. And water is a commodity that is rationed out, that people fight to the death for during the bad times.” The corners of her mouth turn down and Ben reaches out a hand to try to smooth them away. She turns her head into his palm before continuing. “Here water is so plentiful that it’s _avoided_. I stood under the Falcon and let it drip down the sides around me. I stepped outside and let it soak me until I shivered and needed to retreat to my hut to dry my clothing and warm up by the fire. I’d never seen anything like it.”

“I’ll give you all the water you want. All of it,” he pledges, one of his hands curling into a fist.

“I just need you,” she says, and then looks past him again. “Come, Ben. My hut is nothing but rubble…”

“Kriff, sorry about that.”

She reaches out to take his hand. “You didn’t destroy it.”

He shrugs. “Luke had every right to be concerned about you. I was a monster.”

“You never were,” she says. “That’s where he was wrong. Come,” she says again and turns away. He feels the wind pick up, and he wouldn’t have thought it possible, but the air gets _damper_.

“It’s really going to rain, isn’t it?” he says as he feels the first drop hit the tip of his nose. They’re really _not_ that far from the hut she’s aiming for.

“Yes. Come on,” she says and tugs him after her.

He goes easily with her. He’d follow her to the ends of the universe if she asked him to.

And then the sky just opens up. One moment there are just a couple drops hitting him and the next it’s like a complete deluge. “Oh, kriff,” he mutters.

“Told you,” she says.

And then he stops.

“Ow!” Rey says as she’s yanked back. “What are you doing?”

And he just doesn’t even _care_. They’ve _died_. What’s a bit of water? He shakes his head, his soaked hair flying out around him, droplets hitting Rey in the face. She flinches and then smirks. “We can’t get any more wet,” he says.

She holds out the hand that’s not in his, catches some of the drops in her cupped palm. And then flings them at him.

He laughs.

He feels _light_ , he realizes, like he’s somehow floating, basking in the warmth and light that’s Rey.

“It’s not just my light,” she says. “It’s yours.”

“It’s _ours_ ,” he says. He wants to reach out for her other hand, but knows that beneath the now sodden cloak he’s still kriffing naked.

“Ours,” she repeats.

He leans down then and kisses her. It’s soft and sweet, and she tastes like the rain. He can’t get enough of it, kissing her again, and then again. Each kiss soft, each kiss chaste.

She wraps her arms around his neck. “Come on. Let’s get in out of this rain and dry off.”

He lets her lead him this time and doesn’t stop here.

* * *

She leads him into one of the huts. It’s not hers, not _the_ hut. That one still lies in pieces. Even the Caretakers have not bothered to put it back together. It lays there, a testament to their first reaching out to each other, hands touching across the galaxy.

Now they’re here. Together. The hut they step into is dark and damp, and she steps away to light the fire.

“Do you…” he starts to ask, clears his throat. “Do you have that shirt?”

“Oh…right.” She does. She’s tucked it away in her pack, intending to carry it with her everywhere she went, that little part of him that she has left. But now she has _him_. She rummages around and pulls it out. “Here.”

He takes it from her, and then they’re just left staring at each other. “I…” he starts to say. “Um…”

“Oh kriff. Right.” _Naked_ she remembers. She’d _felt_ it, her body melded to his, her hands wrapped around his naked back, the heat of him, the sheer breadth of him pressed tightly to her. “I’ll just turn around?”

He doesn’t say anything.

Just stares.

And then finally nods.

She does as he asks, turning her back to him. She hears rustling, the sound of something hitting the ground, something wet and soggy. Some more rustling, and a curse. She turns without thinking and finds Ben with his back to her. He’s wearing the shirt, but nothing else, and before she can stop her eyes, they trail down to his backside.

His very naked backside.

His very _nice_ naked backside.

She lets out a little squeak and turns back around.

“Rey?”

“Sorry,” she mutters.

“Did you…”

“I thought you were done,” she cuts him off with.

“Oh.”

“I didn’t see much.”

“Not…much?” His voice cracks on the last syllable.

“Sorry,” she says again and can feel her cheeks heat.

She hears more rustling, and then a sigh. “You can turn around.”

When she does, she finds him sitting next to the fire, the wet cloak draped over his lap. She’s struck for a moment, by him in that shirt, memories of his suddenly _being there_ on Exegol. When all hope was lost, when she thought she’d have to give in to Palpatine or lose everything, he had been there. Stripped of everything she had known as Kylo Ren. No mask, no armor, no sparking crossguard lightsaber. He was standing there, holding his mother’s lightsaber, and _saving her_.

And it had been the two of them against the world, against the Emperor and all the Sith.

Now he sits by the fire, his hair again plastered to his head, his cheeks tinged pink, his lips red and parted slightly as he watches her with wide, dark eyes.

She sits down next to him and unwraps the cloth from her arms, setting it out carefully next to the fire. “I wish I had anything more for you to wear,” she murmurs.

He shrugs. “At least I have something dry.”

She nods at that, pulling off her boots and wringing out her pants and top. She shivers and scoots a little closer to the fire. It’s still damp in the hut, but it will heat up in no time. It will be humid, horribly so, as their clothes dry, but it’s better than being soaked to the skin and cold.

“Was there nothing better in Luke’s hut?” she ventures with. She’s not sure if she should bring up his uncle. She’s heard only too often about his confrontation with him on Crait. Even now she can feel something twist in the air between them.

Panic.

“No,” he says, the word clipped.

She nods, putting her hands out toward the fire as they fall silent. She knows only some of what happened between uncle and nephew, knows only that the great Jedi Master Luke Skywalker once raised his lightsaber to end the life of an innocent boy, sending him straight to the enemy he so feared was turning Ben to the dark side.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” she murmurs.

Ben’s head shoots up. There are lines of pain around his mouth and so Rey scoots closer to him, pulling herself around the fire until she’s sitting next to him. She reaches out, takes his hand.

“It was a long time ago,” he murmurs, turning her hand over in his, linking their fingers together. His thumb traces lazy patterns over the skin of her hand and she shivers. “Are you cold?”

“Maybe a little,” she admits.

He reaches out an arm.

“I’m soaked.”

“I don’t care,” he responds with, pulling her closer to him. She goes willingly, tucking herself into his side.

The Force sings around them.

This is where they’re meant to be.

There are whispers in her head though, whispers that tell her she wants more, the _Force_ wants more, somehow. When she looks up at him, he turns to look at her, and even though their faces are too close for her to really make out his expression, she can see the way his eyes move down to her lips and back up.

She closes the distance between them and presses her lips to his and she’s finding that she really does enjoy this. _Kissing_. She’d never cared much about physical intimacy before. She was just trying to survive, first on Jakku as she scavenged ancient wreckage for enough old tech to buy a few portions. She was scavenging for her _life_. And then with the Resistance, when there were bigger things to worry about than scratching an itch she doesn’t often feel.

She knows others didn’t think the same. She thinks of seeing Finn sneaking about the base late one night, and watching him disappear into Poe’s room. She’s heard couples in the midst of their passion, and wonders why it wasn’t something she wanted to pursue with anyone.

She knows some had been interested, though if that were just so they could say they bedded the Jedi or not, she doesn’t know.

But she knows, as she kisses Ben now, that it was _this man_ that held her back. She doesn’t want to do that with others. It’s his lips, his large hands, the honey-brown eyes that she always sees in the back of her mind somewhere.

The kiss is awkward, a little sloppy from the angle they’re necks are bent at. Rey moves then, pushing herself to her knees and straddling him, all without breaking the kiss.

“Oh,” he murmurs against her lips, his mouth opening with a little gasp. She deepens the kiss, touching her tongue to his. She loves the way he’s so responsive, wrapping his arms around her and pulling in close, letting out a little growl in the back of his throat. She wants him to…to…she’s not sure.

Take control.

Show her what he wants, what he can do to her.

But he doesn’t. He lets her control the kiss, groaning when she tugs a little at his thick hair. And she’s really not sure where to go from there, so she continues with the kissing. When she sinks down a little on her knees to rest on his lap, he lets out a soft hiss. “Oh kriff,” she says, pulling back. “Did I do something wrong? I’ve never done this before, and…”

“What? No. It’s just…” His voice trails off, and she realizes that there’s something hard pressing against her. Hard and hot, and…

“Oh,” she says.

He cringes. “I’m sorry,” he mutters.

“No, no, it’s just…it’s natural, right?” she says, and it’s her turn to cringe. She likes it though, knowing that she’s arousing him, that she could make him _want_ her just by kissing him.

“Right,” he says.

“So…” Her voice trails off. How _does_ one exactly ask if the other wants to do such things? She never has. The opportunity had been there, on Jakku, and she had certainly seen _enough_ over the years to know at least a little something about it. She’d been propositioned once or twice but turned them down. It’s not like any sort of birth control was easy to obtain on Jakku, and she had seen what became of women who got pregnant on that world. Children sold off into slavery from birth, dying alone in the sands, desperation and the inability to provide for their children that led to far too many infant burials.

She didn’t want to be part of that statistic, and so she had stayed away from it all.

But here, now. Now she _wants_ , and it sends a shiver, half-excitement and half-fear, down her back. “Ben?” she whispers.

He won’t meet her eyes and so she reaches under his chin and pulls his face up to hers. Still, his eyes flit around, never quite settling on anything. And he can’t seem to get a word out. His mouth opens, closes. She can see his lower lip tremble a little.

“You don’t want to?” Rey asks.

“Want to what?” he says, finally managing to glance at her. There’s color high up on his cheeks and she’s not sure if it’s due to the increasing humidity in their little hut, the heat from the fire, or something else.

“You know,” she says. “Sex?”

He coughs, sputters, and she’s surprised when he stands, dumping her back onto her backside on the ground. He holds Luke’s still wet cloak around his lower half like a towel, keeping all that still hidden, a sort of mystery she finds she’d like very much to unwrap.

“Rey, you don’t just…” He runs one hand through his still damp locks, as he paces away from her. “I mean… _kriff_.”

“Oh,” she says. “I did it wrong, didn’t I? I wasn’t supposed to ask.”

He turns to stare at her. “I…I don’t know.” An odd look crosses over his face, half grimace and half surprise, his lips twisted oddly. “Is that how people get to such things?”

“It was always a transaction on Jakku,” she says with a shrug. _You look like you could use more portions, pretty lady. How about we go out back? A little something for me, a little something for you…_ It had never gone further than her very polite no, or on a couple occasions, her staff to their groin, but it’s all she’s seen of such things really.

“I don’t think it’s supposed to be like that,” he mutters.

“Oh, kriff, I have no idea what I’m doing,” Rey says. “I’m sorry…it’s just…”

“You want to?” he asks. “You’re not just…I don’t know…” He waves a hand in the air. “Making a transaction?”

It’s her turn to choke. “What? No. It’s just…how _do_ you start this? Surely you must know.” She’s so out of her element here. She knows how to fight, how to defend herself, how to find water where none seems to be. She knows how to move rocks with the Force and the signs that a sandstorm is almost upon them,

But this?

“I have no idea,” he mutters. His hand is back in his hair and it takes her a moment to realize that the tips of his ears have gone red and he looks just as terrified as she is. _Maybe this isn’t the right time_ …

“You…”

“I’ve never done this either,” he admits with a slight laugh. “I know, I know,” he says. “How, right?”

“You were Kylo Ren. You were the _Supreme Leader_. I thought…I just assumed…”

“That I had some sort of experience?” He laughs again, a short bark that cuts off quickly. “Hardly. I was a Jedi Padawan from before I hit puberty and ever even thought of such things. No attachments, remember?”

“But sex doesn’t have to be about attachments,” she points out.

He reaches out to grip her shoulders, and now his eyes bore into hers. “It is. For me, it is. The attachment is important, it’s _the_ most important thing.”

“Okay…” she starts to say.

He watches her for another moment, and then returns to his spot near the fire. Rey is left standing, watching, until he holds up a hand toward her.

A flash of memory.

_You’re not alone._

_Neither are you._

_I wanted to take your hand…Ben’s hand_.

And so she does, coming back to straddle his lap again, hands cupping his face. He’s watching her with a quiet, serious look on his face

“And then there was Snoke,” he continues with.

“Always in your head,” she murmurs.

“It was Palpatine, apparently,” he admits. “All that time. I never understood where Snoke came from, why he was so powerful. He was some malformed clone of Palpatine. He was in my head for _so much_ of my life. Not exactly conducive to…amorous pursuits.” His lips curl up at the corner, and she can’t quite tell if he’s on the verge of a laugh or just grimacing over it all.

“But then after you killed Snoke…”

“There was a time I heard no one in my head. It was…freeing in a way. But also strangely lonely. I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. And so I spent that time chasing after _you_ until I heard the call of _something_ that took me to Exegol, that took me to Palpatine.”

She hates hearing that name.

She refuses to believe she’s really related to that evil and terrifying old man.

 _He’s dead, Rey. He can no longer hurt you. No matter who he claims to be_ …

“So no,” Ben says, reaching out to cup her face with one large, warm hand. “There was no one. Ever.”

“Me neither,” she says, putting her hand over his. “But I’d like there to be. I mean…with you.” She leans in to kiss him again, and the Force sings in agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben doesn’t react at all to her confession and she almost pulls away before she realizes that he’s breathing hard and one eye is twitching…just a small twitch, every once in awhile.

“Ben?”

He pulls her down for another kiss and she’s pretty sure she has her answer. He wants it too. She’s not alone, not in this. She won’t _ever_ have to be alone again. He is hers and she is his, and whatever this bond between them, this _dyad_ , it means they’re together. Them against the galaxy, if need be.

She runs a hand down the side of his face, runs her fingers through his drying hair, fingernails scraping lightly against his head. She leans down, places a kiss to his jaw, presses her lips against his neck, nips at the juncture where his neck meets his shoulder.

Ben groans.

“I want to see you,” she murmurs.

She meets his eyes and she can feel him trembling beneath where her hands have settled on his shoulders. But he finally nods, reaching down and pulling the shirt up and over his head. She’s still leaning over him and almost gets caught in it, laughs for a moment before she pulls back and allows him to finish removing it.

And then his upper body is bared to her eyes.

She’s seen it before, of course, but now she gets to _touch_. And he’s here, not across the galaxy somewhere. Her hands skim over his bare shoulders, tracing the scattering of moles she finds there, before moving lower and lightly touching the bare skin of his chest. It’s a daring thing she’s doing. She feels strangely free, straddling Ben Solo’s lap and touching him.

“Do I need a cowl?” he says, his voice cracking on the last syllable. “Or something?”

Her eyes shoot up to his and it takes her a moment to realize he’s joking. The laughter bubbles over then and she leans down to kiss him, her mouth still open in a smile as she does so. He smiles into the kiss before deepening it. And he’s a fast study here. He’s already figured out that she likes it soft and slow, likes him to drag his tongue against hers, likes his lips pliant and a little wet on hers. Kissing him may be her favorite thing in the world.

So far.

His hands come up to cradle her neck. “Your hair,” he murmurs as he pulls back slightly from the kiss.

Her hand comes up to touch her buns. “What about it?”

“Can I…” he starts to say, clears his throat. “When you came to me….on the _Supremacy_. You had it down. I liked it.”

She nods. She hadn’t thought much about it back then, not really. It had just felt… _right_ …she supposes. She’d let her parents go, in a way, had realized the only family that mattered was the one she had made.

Her friends.

And _Ben_.

He had betrayed her then, turned from her. It hadn’t gone as she had wanted, something Luke had warned her of. But it brought them closer. It helped, ultimately, to bring them to _this_ point. Ben will never be fully in the light. It’s not in him. There will always be a darkness there, but without Snoke, without Palpatine, he’s more light than dark.

Much like herself. She knows that the darkness is there in both of them and it somehow helps to tie them together.

Ben reaches up and undoes her buns, one at a time, with hands so gentle she barely feels the brush of them through her hair. It’s loose about her face when he kisses her next, a curtain that somehow seals out the outside world, such as it is.

She gasps when his mouth trails down to her neck. He nibbles at hers much the way she did his, nipping at her neck and soothing it with his tongue. And _oh kriff_ does she like the feeling of that, his warm, wet tongue brushing across her pulse point.

He does it again.

And then again.

She’s pretty sure his mind is inside hers, hearing her thoughts and feeling her as she gasps and squirms just a little in his lap.

He curses when she does that and she realizes with the bond so open, that she can hear _his_ thoughts.

_Just a cloak between us…_

_Would take so little…_

_Want to be inside you…_

She blushes a little as the last thought comes across loud and clear. She wants that too, but she doesn’t know where to go next, how to _get_ to that point.

“We start with this,” Ben says in answer to her unspoken question, plucking at what remains of her sodden clothing. It’s half dry, but still sticks to her skin, leaving her a little damp, but no longer chilled. Not with Ben’s heated gaze watching her as she peels first the shirt off and then reaches behind her to undo the band that binds her breasts, allowing her to fight without them getting in the way.

“Let me,” Ben says and takes over from her, slowly unwinding them, revealing little bits of her as he does so. As each bit of skin is revealed, he pulls her down toward him and kisses it. Her collar bones, the top of her sternum, which he nips at and then laves with his tongue, and then he finally pulls it completely free of her, revealing upper body to him.

She wants to cover herself, wrap her arms around her and stay hidden. They have little light there in the hut, just the flickering from the nearby fire. But still, she feels so exposed.

And it’s not like she hasn’t been naked in front of others before. On Jakku, if you were given the chance to bathe, you did so, modesty be damned. She’d seen elderly women, their bodies sagging from age, skin like leather. She’d seen large men, their flaccid cocks hidden beneath the layers of fat that hung low over their groin. She’d seen everything in between and had stripped down to bathe, often ignoring the hungry gazes of the men who leered over a young, naked woman finding a bit of pleasure in being immersed in dirty water.

But this is _different_.

This _matters_.

She wants him to find her beautiful. She wants to be _worthy_.

“You are,” he says.

“You’re in my head,” she points out.

He groans. “I don’t mean to be…”

“I’m not mad,” she cuts him off with, and he smiles.

“Then you know…” He reaches up to pull the arms away that she’s somehow managed to wrap tightly around herself without her really noticing. She lets her arms drop heavily to her sides and closes her eyes as she feels his eyes rake over the skin that’s revealed.

“You’re…” His voice chokes on words he can’t seem to get out. And so instead he leans forward. She feels his breath, a warm puff of air, ghost across her naked chest and she almost moans from that sensation alone. “May I?” he murmurs.

 _Please_ …

She can’t even get the word out, but he hears it, nonetheless.

His hand comes up to cover one over her breasts, just settles there, warm and large against her skin. His thumb brushes across her nipple and he gasps along with her. “You’re so responsive.”

She feels a flush spread across her skin.

And then he leans forward and wraps his mouth around her other nipple. Her back arches, thrusting her more fully into his mouth. Her hands come up to his hair, tangle in the strands. “More,” she whispers. “I need…” She has no idea. Just… _more_.

When he sucks her nipple into his mouth, his tongue laving across it, she realizes that _this_ is the more she needed. When he nips at it, it’s almost too much, and she lets out a sharp gasp.

“No?” he says.

She opens her eyes to look down at him and there’s something almost _feral_ there in his gaze. “Too much,” she admits.

He goes back to using his lips and tongue, pressing soft kisses across one breast, then making his way to the other. When he’s at the underside of her breast, he uses his teeth again and she urges him on. _There_ it feels good, not overwhelming but _good_. A shiver works its way down her whole body as he continues the ministrations.

Her hands are on his shoulders as he bends awkwardly, pushing her back slightly to get to the skin on her abdomen. And she doesn’t have time to be embarrassed by the hard muscles there. She’s been training…and training _hard_ …first to defeat Kylo Ren, but later to protect herself, her friends, even Ben.

He clearly doesn’t mind, as he lets out a growl and nips at her.

“Ben,” she murmurs, and yanks a little at his hair, pulling him back up into searing kiss. “Do you want to…”

“Keep going?” he asks, and there’s a soft smile on his face. “If you do.”

“I do,” she says, and there’s a fierceness to her voice. This is _their_ moment, _their_ time. This is everything that they’ve been wanting, everything they’ve been waiting for since the first moment their eyes met.

“Good,” he says.

And then they’re just staring at each other. She has no idea _where_ to go from here, what to do. Oh, she knows the mechanics of it, what goes where and all that. But everything else? It feels so meaningful, this moment. She doesn’t want to screw it up.

Which is why she should be offended when he laughs, a soft sound that reaches her ears a moment before she herself finds a laugh bubbling up in her. It surprises her. And seems to surprise him as well, if the raised eyebrows are any indication.

And then he laughs harder.

She does too, head coming to rest on his shoulder as she shakes with the unexpected feelings.

Humor.

 _Joy_.

She can’t remember the last time she’d felt so full of light and joy. She’s really not sure she _ever_ has.

“Ben,” she finally says as their laughter dies down a bit.

“Hmmm?” he says. His lips are at her neck again, just lingering there. Soft against her flushed skin.

“Can I see you?”

He pulls back and looks up at her. “You’re seeing me now,” he says, and smiles.

She’s not sure she’ll ever get used to the sheer beauty of that smile, the crinkles that form at the edges of his eyes, the slightly crooked teeth, the dimples on his cheeks. He looks impossibly young when he smiles, no longer the serious and tortured Kylo Ren, but Ben… _her_ Ben.

“I mean,” she says and shifts, her hand coming down to brush across the hardness between his legs.

He lets out a small hiss, and his eyes widen.

“Rey, you’re absolutely sure this is what you want?”

She nods. “Absolutely. Please, Ben. I need to…”

He takes a deep breath and tugs at the cloak still covering him. His whole body seems to be shaking a little as he tries to move it and he curses when it won’t budge and his hand slides off the wet material. “You have to…” he starts to say, and Rey realizes she’s sitting on it. Of course she is. She’s still in his lap, still kneeling with her knees on either side of his legs.

It takes some time to work it out from under them. Rey feels selfish about it, really, but she doesn’t _want_ to move. This is where she wants to be, and so it takes some maneuvering on both their parts to slide it out from under her.

But they do it.

And then she’s straddling him and he’s _naked_. She feels almost dizzy as she leans forward and kisses him. It’s a quick kiss, just a soft meeting of lips because Rey wants to _see_. She pulls back a little and lets her eyes trail down his body. The chest she’s already familiar with, the strong abs and then… _that_.

“Are they…” Rey starts to say. “I mean…I’ve never seen one before. But, are they usually so…” She doesn’t know how to even get the words out. His cock is jutting up toward her, the head flushed red and the whole thing seems like it’s straining for something. Like it would be painful.

“So?” Ben says, and she looks back up at him. His cheeks have turned a ruddy color of red, almost matching the head of his cock.

“Large…” she says and tries not to cringe. “It’s going to fit?”

Ben looks down at himself and then at her. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I guess it should? Babies and all?”

“Right. I mean…okay.” What she knows of childbirth is very little, really, but she’s seen the women screaming in pain, has run and retrieved water and watched as they writhed and shouted and cursed. She hopes it’s not going to be like _that_. A shudder passes through her.

“We’ll be fine,” Ben says. “Trust me?”

“Of course,” she answers quickly.

With a deep breath, she reaches out to touch him, wrapping her hand around his cock just below the head. He lets out a hiss and her head shoots up. “Does it hurt you too?”

He laughs. “Not quite,” he mutters.

She nods and runs her hand up and down it, touching the head, feeling it twitch in her hands. “It’s so hard,” she says. “But so _soft_ at the same time.” She moves her hand experimentally a couple times, up and down, enjoying the feel of it in her palm.

“Rey, wait…” he starts to say.

She doesn’t stop.

And then it’s like it _explodes_. Rey is not completely ignorant to what sex _is_. But she’s still surprised at the way he groans as his orgasm overtakes him suddenly, his cock twitching and coating her hand in sticky white stuff.

“Kriff,” he says, and when she looks up at him, there are tears in his eyes.

“Ben?” Her hand is still on his cock and she can feel it softening.

“That was _not_ how I wanted this to go,” he admits.

“I’m sorry.”

He lets out a small huff of laughter. “It’s just…I’ve never had someone touch me in such a way. It was a bit overwhelming.”

She nods. “It was. It _is_.” She finally takes her hand away from him and watches as his now-soft cock flops back down between his legs. Even losing that hardness, it’s fairly large. She’s not quite sure what to do with the stickiness of her hand and so leans over and wipes it on the wet cloak sitting next to her.

Ben makes a choking sound in the back of his throat.

“What?” she asks.

“Did you just…” He shakes his head. “You just wiped that on Luke Skywalker’s cloak.”

She glances down at the cloak and shrugs. “So?” And then she picks it up and cleans _him_ up with it, using the edge of it to wipe his stomach clean. When she presses it against the side of his cock, he bats it away. “What?”

He’s shaking, she realizes. Trembling. Her eyes meet his and then he just… _laughs_.

Rey watches him, her head cocked slightly to the side, completely bewildered. “Ben, what is…”

“You’re using Luke Skywalker’s cloak to clean _this_ up.” She’s never seen him like this. He’s outright giggling, and when he accidentally _snorts_ , she finds she can’t hold back her own laughter.

“The great Luke Skywalker,” she says. “Jedi master.”

“Exactly. You’re using his cloak to clean up from sex.”

And she does. She continues to clean up the sticky fluid from his cock. Which, despite the fact he can’t stop laughing, is starting to get hard again. And then he stops laughing, quite suddenly, and reaches out to toss the cloak aside. He’s drawn her back to him before she can even say a word, his mouth meeting hers in a messy kiss. It’s more teeth and tongue and he’s still laughing against her mouth as he takes her in a ferocious kiss. Her arms wrap around him, her fingers tangling in his hair.

“Kriff, Rey, do you know what you _do_ to me?” he practically growls before kissing down her throat again.

She reaches out and touches him and he’s fully hard. “I think I have an idea,” she responds with.

He laughs again. “Yes I suppose you do. But _you_ ,” he says. “You are overdressed.”

“I am.”

He tugs at the waistband of her pants and she takes a deep breath. This is it then, she supposes. And it suddenly seems so _serious_. He’s no longer laughing. He’s watching her with quiet, earnest eyes. “If you still want this, that is.” His voice is soft, and she reaches out to lightly touch the side of his face.

He understands.

She doesn’t have to say it. The feelings come across their bond loud and clear.

She stands, and with a deep breath, pushes both pants and undergarments off her body. For a moment, she’s standing in front of him, fully nude, the light of the fire flickering over her body. Ben is _staring_ at her and she feels…like a goddess. There’s no other way to describe it.

He’s leaning back on one elbow and she studies him for a moment. The long lines of his body, the strength, the dark hair that’s brushed back from his face, and those intense honey-brown eyes. Those trail down her body and she feels like she’s on fire.

Then he crooks a finger at her.

And she goes to him. He sits up as she straddles him again, and she gasps as her skin comes into contact with his. She can feel him between her legs, hot and heavy, but she won’t touch him. Not this time. She needs him inside her, needs him to fill those places inside herself that she’s never been aware are quite so _empty_ until now.

“Are you…” he starts to ask, but his voice trails off and he clears his throat.

“I don’t know,” she admits. She’s half terrified, half excited. She worries about pain, about bleeding, about how things will fit together and if she’ll please him.

He leans up and kisses her. “May I?” he asks, as his hand drifts lower, comes to settle on her thigh. She knows what he’s asking and after taking a deep breath, she nods.

Well, she _thought_ she knew what he was asking, because he doesn’t try to line himself up with her. Instead, he brings his fingers up to her center and touches her there. It’s soft, tentative, but enough to make her jerk in surprise.

“What…” she starts to say.

“Oh is that…” He pulls his hand back.

“No,” she says, reaching down to grip his wrist. “Keep going. It just surprised me, is all.” She wants to hide her head on his shoulder. She can feel the heat on her face, knows she must be bright red. _Is it always like this_ , she wonders. Her experiences are limited to accidentally stumbling on some of her fellow scavengers in the back alleys of Niima Outpost and a few frank discussions with some of the older women about what to expect.

Pain, mostly. Especially her first time.

Men who didn’t care about a woman’s pleasure.

They talk of getting themselves off after, and Rey learns how from listening to them talking about such things. She knows how to pleasure herself. As it turns out, it’s _not_ even remotely the same as having _Ben’s_ fingers touching her there. She finds she wants to spread her legs further, and she does, pushing herself into the finger that he’s drawing through her folds.

“I love this,” he says quietly as he continues his ministrations. “How wet you are. How _soft_ and slick.” He draws his finger up and hits _that spot_. She lets out a small gasp and he smiles. “There? Did that feel good?” He brings his finger back up there and circles around it carefully.

“Yes,” Rey just barely gets out. “More…”

He presses a little harder, moves a little faster. Rey can’t help the small gasps that escape her, the little keening moan when he hits just the right spot with just the right amount of pressure. And then he brings his other hand up and inserts a finger inside her.

And they _both_ groan.

“Oh, kriff, Rey,” he murmurs.

“Yes.”

He pushes the finger in and out a few times, moving it in time with his other hand. _This_ is all new. She can feel her own orgasm building, can feel her body drawing tighter. She wants more. Faster, harder… just _more_.

And he must hear that through the bond, because he presses a second thick finger inside her, stretching her slightly and it may be the most glorious thing she’s ever felt. Her body draws tight and she’s close… _so close_.

But she stops him, reaching out to put her hand over his wrist. He pulls back with a confused noise in the back of his throat.

“Not like that,” she says.

He’s watching her and his eyebrows are drawn low over eyes that are dark, pupils blown wide. “Rey?”

“I want you inside me. _Now_.”

The confusion is replaced by a look of desire so feral it almost takes her breath away. He nods then, reaching out to grasp his cock in one big hand. She pulls up further on her knees, crawling a little closer to him.

She watches his face as he presses the tip against her, and she winces. “A little to the right… _my_ right.” She lets out a soft laugh.

“Sorry,” he murmurs.

“Let me?” she asks, and he nods, releasing his cock from his grasp as she wraps her hand around it. This time she has it lined up correctly and for a moment they’re both staring at each other, hazel eyes meeting brown.

“You control it,” he says, bringing one of his hands up to cup her face. 

She leans down to kiss him softly, and while her mouth is still pressed to his, she lowers herself. Just a little bit. She can feel the head of his cock slipping into her, and she takes a deep breath. It burns a little, the stretch of him in there. His fingers were large, much larger than her own, but this is larger even still.

Pulling back from the kiss, she studies his face, the slight sheen of sweat, the hands that shake a little. He doesn’t seems to know what to do with them for the moment, cupping her face, then settling on her shoulder and finally coming to rest on her hips.

She presses down a little more and winces. It doesn’t hurt, not exactly, but it feels a bit like stretching muscles that have been unused for her entire life. She holds still, then pulls up a bit, letting all but the tip slide out before she goes further.

Ben is breathing hard and his eyes are wide.

She does it again, pulling up and pressing down until he’s finally seated as far in as he can go. “Kriff, Rey…” He looks down at them, where they’re joined. She does too, can just see where his large cock has disappeared inside her…inside her _body_. She’s holding _him_ inside her and it’s…it’s…she doesn’t have the words for it. She feels full in a way she’s never felt before. She _feels_ the dyad they are now, the two halves of one soul.

They’re joined now.

Forever.

It’s as lasting a bond as any marriage, perhaps more so judging by the few marriages she’s seen in her life.

She can feel the bond wrap around them, and when she lifts herself up and presses down again, taking him in easier this time, it pulls them even tighter together.

Ben groans, hands gripping at her hips harder. It almost hurts and she fears she may bruise a little, but she finds she doesn’t want him to let up the pressure there. She _likes_ that he’s lost so much track of what he’s doing, that he has no clue about his own strength in that moment.

He's absolutely lost in her as she continues to move on him. The stretch goes from uncomfortable to something that makes her all shivery inside the faster she moves.

“Oh kriff, Rey, this is…” His hands dig in a bit more. “I don’t think I can last.”

She puts cups his face in her hands, drawing him up to her as she continues to move. “Then don’t.”

He shakes his head and swallows hard. There’s this _look_ on his face. Jaw clenched, eyes a little narrowed. And then he takes one of his hands off her hip and moves it to between their legs, right to where they’re joined.

His thumb feels around and she knows what he’s trying to do. And he’s _almost_ there, almost in just the right place. She reaches down and guides his thumb to right where her clit is, then leans forward as he starts to softly rub around it. “Harder,” she says into his ear and he thrusts up into her in response.

“Kriff!” she shouts.

“You like that?” he asks.

 _Yes_ , she answers through the bond. She can’t manage to get the word out, her mouth opened in a pant, her eyes shut. He presses harder into her clit, his thumb moving in time with his thrust up into her. _Keep going_ …

Her body is drawing tight again, like it was before, only _more_. The feeling of his cock dragging along her insides, the feel of his thumb pressing into her clit. And then he moves it faster, just the right amount of pressure, just the right amount of speed, and it’s all she can do to hang onto his shoulders as her orgasm rips through her.

And it’s like _nothing_ she’s ever experienced, that feeling of him so deep inside her as she comes. She doesn’t realize there are tears flowing down her cheeks until one drops onto his shoulder and she sees it there, making its slow way down his back as he continues to thrust.

But then he grabs her around the waist and with no preamble, nothing more than a growl in the back of his throat, he flips them. Her back hits the ground hard, but she barely notices, her legs opening and allowing him to enter her again. He does so with one quick stroke, thrusting in right to the hilt.

She lets out a scream.

He grips her around each hip, lifting her slightly as he thrust into her, faster, harder. She’s watching when his thrusts start to falter and is surprised to see tears in his eyes as they open and meet hers.

They’re staring into each other’s eyes as he comes, and the Force flows over and around them. For a moment she loses track of where she is, _who_ she is. They’re two bright points of light in the Force, blazing with the beauty of a thousand stars.

She’s pretty sure she stops breathing.

She’s pretty sure they’re _one_ at that moment, lost in each other as they combine to be something somehow _more_ than either of them separately.

But then the world comes rushing back and Ben collapses half on top of her. His body is shaking and she realizes that they’re _both_ crying, tears flowing freely as they cling to each other. He’s still inside her, they’re still joined, and she needs to catch her breath from all that just happened.

Ben wraps his arms around her again and shifts so that he’s lying on his back with Rey on top of him. His cock slips out of her and she feels strangely empty at that. He’s still holding her tight when he speaks again. “I thought I’d lost you,” he murmurs into her hair.

She pushes up to meet his eyes. Her hand follows the tracks of his tears, catching one more as it leaves his eye. One of his hands comes up to brush her tears away too. Her voice is a whisper when she responds. “I _know_ I lost you.”

He nods and they embrace again.

“Never again,” he promises. “We’ll never lose each other again.”

“Never,” Rey echoes. “I swear.”

Ben wraps his arms around her and pulls her head down to his chest. She tucks her head in there, just beneath his chin, and feels as his breath evens out.

She’s asleep a moment later, safe and secure in everything they are. They’re not alone. Not anymore. And she knows they’ll never be apart.


	5. Chapter 5

When Rey wakes, she’s chilled. It takes her a moment to realize where she is and who the warm body is next to her.

_Ben…_

The fire has died down, mere embers now, and she’s lying half sprawled over him, naked and cold and a little sore. She snuggles closer in to him, but that doesn’t seem to matter. The rain, at least, has stopped. She no longer hears it hitting the hut they’ve holed up in. There are blankets, she knows, up in Luke’s hut. Blankets they didn’t dare go looking for earlier as they would have ended up as wet as everything else.

She pulls away from him and he grumbles in his sleep.

“Ben? I need to get up.”

“Why?” he murmurs, his arm tightening around her. “I like you where you are.”

“ _Ben_.”

“You said we’d always be together.”

She sighs. He’s strangely adorable in his sleep. “And we will. But I need to relight the fire. And I need to…take care of other things.”

He’s awake then, eyes finally opening to stare at her.

She nods.

“Oh,” he says and his arm loosens. “I guess you can take care of that on your own.”

She lets out a small laugh.

“You’ll be back?”

“I’m going to find us some blankets.”

He looks down at himself and for the first time seems to note his undressed state and the goosebumps on his arms. “Alright.”

She slips out a moment later.

* * *

He sighs as she disappears out the door of the hut and pulls himself to his feet. The least he can do while she finds them some blankets is get the fire going again. He’s a little dizzy as he gets up, and shakes his head.

He feels different.

He doesn’t know how, though he supposes he knows _why_.

He’s felt bonded to Rey since the moment he’d met her. But now, here, after _that_ , he feels _everything_. He can feel her shivering in the cold, damp air outside the hut. He can feel her as she curses as she steps on a particularly sharp rock. She’d left without even putting her boots on.

 _I wasn’t thinking too well_ , comes Rey’s voice in his head.

 _Then you feel it too?_ he shoots back at her.

_The bond is stronger_.

 _Can you feel this?_ he asks as he reaches out and touches himself. He’s half hard already, thinking about Rey out there, the naked goddess of the island world of Ahch-to. He’d put a crown of flowers on her head, declare himself as her unworthy suitor.

She doesn’t respond for a moment and he wonders if she’s disgusted. But then her voice is back in his head a moment later. _I won’t be long_. And he can feel the amusement trace down the line connecting them.

He laughs.

They’re going to be okay.

They’re going to be _just fine_.

And he feels almost giddy with the joy of it all.

* * *

Rey returns as quickly as she can to find Ben sitting by a relit fire. She stops for a moment, her breath stolen from her at the site. He’s a pagan god there, naked, hair wild about his face. The fire casts him half in shadow, half in light and she thinks that’s appropriate. Ben will never walk completely in the light. There are dark parts of his soul, but she can _see_ that those are the pinpricks now. He shines so bright in the Force she almost closes her eyes against it.

“You came back,” he says, his voice deep and a little scratchy.

It sends a shiver up her spine.

“Always,” she says, and holds out one of the blankets she’s carrying. He wraps it over his shoulders as he huddles near the fire. When he reaches toward her with one arm, she wraps her own blanket around herself and comes to sit next to him.

They’re quiet for a time, both just watching the fire, letting it warm them, enjoying the closeness and the lack of needing to _talk_. Their bond is flowing freely between them and she catches glimpses of elation, happiness, satisfaction. But coloring them are worries, anxieties.

“What comes next?” he finally asks.

She says nothing for a moment, but then finally gets the words out. “We go back?”

“Back?”

“To the Resistance?”

“To your friends,” he says, the words a little dull.

“To your family,” she points out.

“My family is dead,” he whispers.

“Chewie’s not.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think he’d want to see me.”

“He’d want to see Ben. He wouldn’t want to see Kylo Ren.”

Ben hesitates there, closes his eyes. “Kylo Ren is dead.”

“I know. But Ben Solo _lives_. And people will come to understand that.”

Ben reaches out and touches her chin, and she looks up to meet his eyes. “Will they? Do you really think they’ll ever accept me? Do you think Poe would? I ripped into his mind with all the subtlety of a rancor and tore out the information. Do you think he’s going to forget how he was tortured by the First Order?”

She starts to respond, but he goes on.

“Do you think Finn will? I damn near killed him. I wanted to, you know. He was a traitor to the cause. And _more_ , he had _you_. And I didn’t want him to.” Ben grimaces. “I punched him.”

Rey blinks once. Twice. “What?”

“He didn’t tell you that, did he? There I am, with something the Jedi used to call a ‘civilized weapon’ and I _punched_ him. Like I was some street brawler.”

And she can’t help it. She smirks. It’s not funny, not really. But at the same time, imagining Kylo Ren in a street brawl is one of the more amusing things she’s imagined.

“It’s not funny,” he points out.

“I know,” she says. “Do you think Finn would forgive his fellow Stormtroopers? The same ones he saw gun down innocent villagers?” She knows he would. She knows he _has_. Given enough time, she’s sure he could forgive Ben Solo.

“I don’t know.”

She puts her hand over his. “They will, Ben. With time. It’s what your mother would have wanted.”

He sighs then and lowers his head to his chest. Her hand comes up automatically to run her fingers through all that lovely thick hair of his. It’s dried now, though it still hangs fairly limp around his face in the dampness of Ahch-to.

“They will,” she reiterates.

After a moment, he nods and then pulls her tight against him. “I’ll go back.”

She smiles into his chest. “Good.”

“There’s only one problem.”

“Yes?”

“I flew here in a TIE fighter. You flew here in an X-Wing. They’re both single-seater ships and while I do enjoy being close to you, it’s a long trip back and that’s going to get mighty uncomfortable.”

“I doubt two people can fit in the X-Wing anyway,” Rey points out. The TIE, maybe. But the X-Wing is most definitely not designed for more than one person and a droid.

“Exactly. And then there’s the other issue.”

It takes Rey a moment to realize what he means. “You just have the shirt.”

“And no pants.”

“Kriff.” And then she laughs. Ben lets out a small bark of laughter and she finds she _loves_ the noise. She wants to make him laugh more, wants to hear this bit of joyfulness from him. It’s still strange, seeing him that way, seeing him _smile_. Kylo Ren had worn Ben Solo’s face like a mask. Only his eyes gave away his emotion, and those had been roiling with them. Anger, terror, love, lust. She’d seen it all there in his eyes, but his face had remained stoic. Now free of those trappings it’s like he’s a different person.

 _He's the person he’s meant to be_.

“I’ll go back alone,” Rey says. Ben’s head shoots up and he looks alarmed. She puts a hand on his forearm and he almost immediately relaxes. “I’ll find some sort of clothing for you. At least a pair of pants. And I’ll return with a small shuttle.”

“And then we’ll go to the Resistance.” He gives her a sad smile.

“We’ll be fine, Ben. I promise.” He still looks worried and so she does the one thing she can think of doing. She leans over and kisses him. “So while we’re naked…”

“Yes?” And _now_ he looks a little happier, the worry lines melting off his face.

“We should take advantage of it…” She lets her voice trail off.

Ben doesn’t move for a moment, and when he does it’s sudden. He twists and she finds herself on her back with his lips on hers. “I like the way you think,” he mutters against her mouth. And then he’s kissing her again and all thoughts of the Resistance or what will happen once they return fade in the face of their passion.

* * *

They had made love long into the night, there in the hut on Ahch-to, finally falling into an exhausted and wrung out heap. Ben is pretty sure there are parts of his body that are going to protest when he tries to get up off the dirt floor of the hut.

When he finally wakes up, Rey is already dressed and kneeling near him.

“Rey?” he murmurs, barely cracking open an eye.

“I hate to leave you here.” The words are like music to his ears. He hates it too, if he has to be completely honest. He’d rather they stay there together. Forever. But he also knows he can’t run away from his life, from the life that his mother wanted him to live, that his father wanted…even after…after… _everything_.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’ve left you half my rations. It should be enough to get you through until I get back. If not…”

“If not, I’ll make do.” He smiles up at her then, reaching out a hand to squeeze hers.

“Are you sure? You’re not…”

“A scavenger? I’ll be _fine_.”

“There’s always blue milk,” Rey says and he watches her shudder.

“I’m not sure I want to know about…” She sends him an image through their bond, of strange sea creatures lounging on the beach and Luke milking them. “I did _not_ need to see that.”

She smiles. “I’ll be back. Soon. I promise.”

He nods. “Go,” he says. “Now, before I pull you down for round two.”

She raises one eyebrow. “Round two? I think we’re far past that.”

He laughs at that and she smiles, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “I love you, you know,” she says, and then she disappears out of the hut. He doesn’t watch her go. He refuses to. She’ll back. This isn’t goodbye. This is just a _see you soon_.

She promises.

“I know,” he whispers to no one in particular. He knows from the smile that comes across the bond that she’s heard him.

* * *

Rey lands on Ajan Kloss in the middle of the night. She supposes it’s better that way. She’s not sure she wants anyone to see her. She’s terrified they’ll do something stupid if they find out she’s been with Ben. She’s reassured him that they’ll forgive him, that they’ll understand, but she doesn’t really know.

Rose, maybe.

“Rey!” comes a voice almost as soon as she’s out of the X-Wing.

“Finn?” _Kriff_. She slides down out of the X-Wing and finds him coming out of the shadows. “How did you know I was here?” It can’t just be sheer luck.

Finn shrugs. “Poe kept a tracking on Luke’s X-Wing. It pinged us when you entered the atmosphere.”

She looks around. She’s really not sure she wants to deal with Poe. Finn, she has some sort of chance of explaining things to. But she’s pretty sure that Poe will be a harder sell. They barely get along as is.

“He’s not here,” Finn says. “He thought it might be better if I went alone. I know how well you two get along.” He flashes her a smile. She can’t make out his eyes in the dark, but his smile shines brightly. It disappears almost as soon as it appears. “Where have you _been_?” he asks.

“I don’t think you’d believe me,” she mutters.

Finn crosses his arms over his chest. “Try me.”

She takes a deep breath. “I found Ben.”

He says nothing and she wants to pull the words back. “Ben who?”

“Solo,” she says and waits for the inevitable.

“Solo? Han’s…oh, oh _Force_.” She cringes. “You said he was dead.”

“I thought he was. I _saw_ him die.” She shudders at the memory, of his body collapsing after their first kiss, at his fading into nothingness in her arms. “I saw him become one with the Force.”

“Only Jedi can do that,” Finn says.

Rey starts at that, brows lowering over her eyes. “How do you know that?”

Finn looks strangely proud as he puts his hand to his chest. “I’ve been studying. Me and Jannah, see. She’s Force-sensitive too. And we’ve been studying.”

“The old Jedi texts,” Rey surmises.

Finn nods.

“Those were in my quarters.”

He shrugs. “You left them there.”

“So I did,” she says with a soft smile. She wasn’t sure she’d return, but she had hoped to. Someday. These people were her family. Brothers and sisters, all of them.

“Did you know you were going to him?” Finn asks after a moment.

“Ben? No. I…” How does she even explain it? She supposes plain words will have to be enough. “I really did believe he was dead. I could no longer feel his presence in the Force. The bond was gone, like he was.”

“Bond?”

“Kriff. There’s a lot to explain. I went back to find that scrap of clothing you found me holding onto. It was all that I had left of him.”

Finn doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Why would you want his ratty old shirt? Unless…” She knows Finn is far from stupid. He’s not only Force-sensitive, but empathetic and quick to be able to put the pieces of the puzzle together. “Oh Force, Rey no.”

“Finn…” she starts to say.

“You’re in love with him. Oh, kriff. Rey… _how_?” He reaches out and puts his hands on her shoulders.

She’s not even sure what to say, how to explain. There’s so much she’s left out, so much she’s never told her friends. About the bond they’d formed, how they communicated in their times of greatest need. It’s more than just sensing him in the Force, as Finn can do. And they don’t _know_ any of that. She’s kept that secret from them for over a year.

She hears a noise off to her right and she’s just about to draw her weapon on the person, when Poe steps out into the small bit of light from her ship. “Rey!” he says.

She hushes him.

“Where have you been?” he asks. Before she can even respond, he steps closer and narrows his eyes on her. “You’ve been _naughty_ , running off like that. You scared Finn half to death.” He points a finger at the man in question.

“Have you been drinking?” Rey asks.

Poe leans closer to her. “Have you been having sex?” He sniffs. Actually sniffs the air near her. “You smell like sex.”

She looks back over at Finn and his eyes meet hers. “Oh kriff, Rey, you _slept_ with him?” His voice is at least an octave higher than usual.

“Slept with who?” Poe asks, looking from Finn to Rey. “Who’s the lucky guy, Jedi gal?” He narrows his eyes on her. “Are you even allowed to do such things?”

Rey really should just walk off. Find the transport she needs and get out of here. Maybe never ever return.

Poe looks from Finn to Rey and back to Finn. “Slept with who?” he asks again.

“Kylo Ren,” Finn says. The name drops heavily into the silence, and they both turn to look at her.

“Is he serious?” Poe asks, and his voice sounds far more sober than it had a moment ago. “Kylo Ren?”

“Ben,” she says. “Ben Solo. I did _not_ sleep with Kylo Ren.” She wouldn’t have. He wasn’t the one she wanted, all steeped in the darkness of Snoke, of the Emperor. It’s Ben Solo, the light within that darkness, that she sought out time and time again until, like a skittish dog finally learning to trust again, he stepped out into the light on his own.

A furrow forms between Poe’s brows. “Aren’t they the same person?”

“Exactly,” Finn says.

“They’re not. You have to…you _need_ to understand. They’re _not_. Kylo Ren was a construct of the Emperor. He was always there inside his head, twisting his thoughts, pushing him into the darkness, trying to extinguish the light.” Her eyes are fierce as she looks from one to the other. “And even so, they couldn’t. He cast it all aside. And he _saved me_. I would be _dead_ if it weren’t for him.” Rey turns on Finn then, reaches out one finger to poke him in the chest. “ _You_ felt me die.”

“I…” Finn starts to say, glances over at Poe, and the back to her. “I thought I was mistaken.”

“You weren’t. I did die. _Ben Solo_ gave his very life for _me_. To bring me back. And then disappeared into the Force.”

“But you said he’s…”

“Alive? He is. I don’t know how. He went somewhere, the world between worlds he says, and they allowed him to come back, to have a second chance at the life he was always meant to live. His mother sent him back.” She has no idea if she’s doing very well with the explanation. Finn still looks skeptical.

But Poe looks like he’s considering it. She knows that he, of all people, was close to Leia. Closer than anyone else in the Resistance at least.

“His mother,” Poe says. It’s not a question. His voice is flat, sober all of a sudden.

“She came to him. She came to _me_. I think she sent us to…” She pauses there. She’s not sure she should tell them where they’ve been, where he _still_ is. Finn looks like he’s ready to send the entire Resistance after Ben, drag him back, _execute_ him. And she won’t pretend that that worry isn’t there. It _is_.

“To?” Finn asks.

“I went back to Exegol,” she says instead. “And when I got there, the TIE fighter was gone. And then Leia was there, pushing me toward the conclusion I couldn’t believe. I’m sure she guided me to him.” It had to be Leia. She had felt her presence, there in the X-Wing, even as she drifted off. The coordinates she had entered hadn’t been of her own doing.

“Why would she send you to _him_?” Poe asks.

“Yeah,” Finn chimes in with. “She had given up hope that he could return.”

“She hadn’t. She never had. And I didn’t either.” She reaches out then and takes one of Finn’s hands. She takes one of Poe’s too, pulling them closer. “He turned, there at the end, threw off the shackles of the Emperor and came to me. He saved me.” She looks them both in the eyes. “He saved us _all_.”

They’re all silent for a moment.

“And so…” Finn starts to say, clears his throat, glances over to Poe for a moment. “You’re bringing him back here.”

“I would like to,” Rey says. “But only if you’re not going to…” She waves a hand in the air.

“Execute him and stick his head on a pike for all to see?” Poe offers up.

“Something like that.”

They all watch her for a moment, and then Finn nods. “I wish the bastard had kept that mask on,” Finn says. When Rey and Poe just stare at him, he shakes his head. “If no one knew what he looked like, we’d have an easier time of explaining his presence.”

“Leave that to me,” Poe says, and then he releases Rey’s hand to clap her on the shoulder. “Go get him, Rey. I’ll worry about the rest.”

“Really?” It’s too easy, and she worries about what Poe will do in the morning after he sobers up. Will she return with Ben only to have him taken into custody? Executed before she can even stop them? The thought of losing him terrifies her and for one moment she thinks maybe she should grab the shuttle and run.

Disappear.

Find someplace where they’ve never heard of Rey, the last Jedi, or Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer. Some place where they can just be Rey and Ben and live out their lives in relative obscurity.

But she knows that won’t happen. One or both are bound to be recognized. And this _is_ her home. These people _are_ her family. They won’t betray her.

She hopes.

“Yes,” Finn says. “Go. There’s a small shuttle that’s just been repaired still in the hangar. Take it.” He pushes her slightly.

Rey steps back, but then rushes forward and hugs her friends, one arm around each of them. “Thank you,” she murmurs. And then she’s off, racing toward the hangar they’ve set up for ship repairs. She’ll be back with Ben in just a couple days and then they’ll be together, no matter what happens.

* * *

“This is crazy,” Finn says, leaning slightly toward Poe. “You know that, right?”

They’re gathered in front of the whole of the Resistance. The last time they’d been standing up there, they’d gone to face their deaths at the hands of Palpatine and his Sith Fleet. The Final Order was in shambles, most of their fleet destroyed, and others running for their lives.

The Resistance members look up at them curiously. Finn can feel the worry coming from some of them, the terror and the fear that it was all for naught, that there’s something _else_ to fight, someone else just as frightening as the Emperor, just as well-armed as the First and Final Order had been.

“Absolutely,” Poe says, and then he grins.

“I think it’s kind of romantic, really,” Rose says. “He saves her from death and they’re bound together for life.” She shrugs and Finn smiles at the tear that leaks from one eye.

“Oh yeah,” Finn says with a roll of his eyes. “ _Romantic_. That’s exactly the word I would use to describe Kylo Ren.”

What the kriff are they doing, anyway? Rey has commed them and said they’ll be back within the day. Kylo Ren… _Ben Solo_ …coming home to the Resistance.

Rose shrugs, and Poe takes that moment to step forward. Finn steps up next to him. “Good morning!” Poe says as they look around at the gathering. There are so many people, so many _more_ than had been there when they’d first left for Exegol. Lando returned and he’s brought _so many_ with him. Some of them had returned to their own worlds, disappearing as quickly as they’d appeared. Some had come to join them.

Others…well, they hadn’t made it home, and Finn mourns for each and every life that was snuffed out that day.

“You might wonder why I’ve called this meeting,” Poe continues. A murmur goes through the crowd. “It’s nothing bad. There have been no further attacks since the defeat.” He holds up his hand when a cheer starts. “But there is news. Rey is returning.”

More applause. _Here it goes_ …the other shoe is about to drop.

“She’ll be here within the day.” Poe pauses. Finn almost rolls his eyes. One thing Poe is good at it is the dramatic pause. “She will not be returning alone.”

Another murmur.

Finn wants to step forward and just put the group out of its misery. Poe shoots him a look though and he gives him a half bow and a little wave.

“When Rey was on Exegol, she was not alone either. Someone came to her aid. Someone helped her defeat the Emperor, combining his strength with hers.”

“Get on it with it,” Finn mutters.

“I am,” Poe shoots back, then addresses the crowd again. “That same person brought Rey back from the dead. She’s returning with him and I expect people to, if not be welcoming, to at least steer clear of him and let he and Rey figure out their next steps.”

“He’s enjoying this way too much,” Rose says, leaning toward Finn.

“You think?” Finn shoots back. Poe is nothing if not dramatic. He loves an audience, he _loves_ being in front of everyone. He really was the appropriate choice to succeed Leia. Finn is happy enough to be considered a general alongside him, but he prefers to take a place somewhere behind Poe. Support, not the person who needs to drum up excitement.

“Ben Solo is returning,” Poe says and the silence that follows the words is almost deafening.

Finn can here muttered comments going back and forth, can _feel_ the moment many work out just who that is.

_Ben Solo?_

_Leia’s kid?_

_But isn’t he…_

“Kylo Ren?” someone says, their voice cutting rather stridently through the whispers.

“Not anymore,” Poe says. “With Snoke and the Emperor both dead, he’s had his mind returned to himself. He’s Ben Solo again. I know,” he says, holding up a hand. “You don’t know what to make of it. To be honest, neither do I. But I _trust_ Rey, and I expect you to give her the same amount of trust that Finn and I do.”

Some of them look like they’re going to protest, but Finn stands then. “Poe’s right. You’ve all trusted Rey with your very lives. Please just trust her with this.”

“Dismissed,” Poe says.

He walks off and Finn follows a bit slower. He can see Rose watching them all.

“There are some you don’t trust out there, aren’t there?” Finn asks, leaning closer to her.

“You probably know better than I do,” Rose says.

Finn nods, watching as the crowd disperses. “But Rey and… _Ben_ …kriff, it’s going to take some time to get used to calling him _that_.”

“I know,” Rose says and he appreciates the sympathy on her face. “And yeah, Rey and Ben will be able to keep an eye out for any issues. But keep an eye out anyway?” she suggests.

“Absolutely.”

“You coming, Finn?” Poe shouts.

Finn squeezes Rose’s shoulder and races off after Poe. He’s not really sure where any of this is going, what it’s going to be like seeing _him_ again. But he’s vowed to support Rey, vowed to _trust_ her, and he’ll do his damnedest to keep those promises.


	6. Epilogue

“You really did come back,” Ben whispers against her hair. They’re one day into their trip back to the Resistance base, one day away from facing down whatever is going to happen there. She’s still not sure this is the best thing for them, and sometimes contemplates just pointing the shuttle to wherever the Force will take them.

“Of course I did.” She’s hot and sweaty in his arms, still breathing hard from their latest bout of lovemaking. He’s…vigorous to say the least. Now that that part of him has been awakened, he’s nearly insatiable.

And creative.

This last time he’d had her on all fours on the bed and had taken her from behind. She’d come across some of the less savory people on Jakku doing it that way in the back alleys and she’d always found it a little off-putting. But then he’d hauled her up against him, and when he’d entered her from behind, he was so _deep_ inside her that she felt her insides almost immediately clench.

He'd come with his teeth in the skin of her shoulder and his finger working her clit until she screamed with her orgasm.

They’d collapsed in a heap after, both breathing hard.

“Why would you think I wouldn’t come back?” she asks, reaching up a hand to smooth his hair back from his sweat-slicked face.

He shakes his head. “No one comes back.” His face hardens a little at that, and she’s reminded of the parents that left him with Luke, of the uncle that tried to kill him in his sleep.

She leans forward and presses a soft kiss to his cheek. “I will always come back.”

“You promise?” His voice is so soft when he asks and for a moment she can’t help but think about that small boy being sent away.

“Of course,” she responds with.

They fall asleep soon after that, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

* * *

They arrive in the quiet of night. He’d think Rey planned it if she didn’t note the time with some surprise as they came in for a landing. The ship is a familiar one and so he hopes that their arrival will go unnoticed.

He doesn’t realize how hard he’s gripping the arms of the chair he’s sitting in until Rey puts her hand over his. She’s smiling at him, always the sun to his darkness. He feels that light wind its way through his body, wrap around his heart, and he takes a deep breath.

“Nervous?” she asks.

“These are my mother’s people,” he says, simply.

“They are. But they’re also _my_ people.” He can see her hesitate before speaking again. “They’re yours, too.”

“We’ll see.” In all honesty, he expects to be taken prisoner. They may not execute him. He’s not sure that’s the Resistance’s way, after all. But it’s easy to imagine them letting him rot in some out of the way cell. Or banishing him to an entirely inhospitable world.

She squeezes his hand. “It will be fine. I promise.” She lets go of his hand and returns to guiding the ship in for a landing. He’s too terrified to be of much good at that moment, and he’s pretty sure if the controls were in their hand, he’d exile them at Ahch-to, where he could make love to her and they could drink disgusting blue milk until the day they die.

And he has no doubt that whatever day _that_ is, it will come together. Back to back, fighting an enemy together or side by side, as their life fades away into the Force.

It _has_ to be that way.

He cannot live without her.

When the ship touches down, he feels the blood drain out of his face. He doesn’t even have a mask to hide behind. Not the literal mask he’d worn all those years, not even the mask of Kylo Ren’s face. His face feels strangely frozen as he stands, and his knees feel a bit wobbly.

But there’s Rey, and she reaches out a hand and pulls him next to her. “We’re in this together, Ben.”

He nods, but he can’t quite get anything else out.

“Are you ready?”

He lets out a small huff of laughter, and cringes at the darkness to the sound. “No. But let’s get this over with.”

“That’s the spirit!” Rey says and even she knows that the light tone to her voice is forced. Together, they turn to the ramp and Rey hits the button to open it. He feels his heart drop into his stomach as it lowers.

* * *

He’s brave, Rey realizes. Ben is squeezing her hand so hard as they walk down the ramp that she’s almost lost feeling in it. But still, he goes with her. A tall, dark shadow dressed in a shirt that still has the hole in it from where she’d run him through and pants that are just a little bit too short for his long legs. She’s promised him better fitting clothes eventually. But for now it’ll do.

The pants, at least, are _brown_ , so he doesn’t look as much the spectre of Kylo Ren as he would otherwise.

Almost as soon as they hit the ground and the ramp closes up behind them, Rose steps out of the darkness.

“Rose,” Rey says, releasing the breath she didn’t realize she’d sucked in when they hit the ground.

“Hi!” she says, her voice just a little too bright. Her eyes widen as they fall on Ben, and her mouth hangs a little open. “Wow, you really _did_ bring him back,” Rose whispers.

“ _Rose_ ,” Rey says, and the other woman snaps out of it.

“Right, sorry. Hi, I’m Rose,” she says, and she holds out her hand.

To Ben Solo.

To _Kylo Ren_.

And in that moment, Rey realizes how much she loves Rose. She’s a good person, willing to forgive, willing to understand. She’s the kind of person that she knows they can put their trust in and she will never, ever betray them.

Rey goes up on her tiptoes and whispers in Ben’s ear. “Shake her hand, Ben.”

“Right,” he says and she can see a bit of color high up on his cheeks. “Of course.” And then he reaches out one hand to grasp Rose’s for just a moment, dropping it like it’s a hot potato. “I’m Ben.”

“I know,” Rose says. And then she seems to come out of her stupor. “We’ve had quarters made up for you…”

“I’ll stay with Rey,” he says and Rey feels herself blush.

“So it _is_ like that then, is it?” Rose says, and then nods. There’s no recrimination there, no horror. “Well, then I’m sure Rey can show you to her quarters.”

“Right,” Rey says. “Absolutely.” She should be embarrassed, but for some reason she’s just _not_. Ben is clinging to her, his hand wrapped around hers. They’re a little clammy, but she knows once they get behind closed doors, he’ll be able to relax.

“Good,” Rose says. She’s still watching Ben with a strange, calculating look on her face. It’s not a look that makes Rey feel worried. But there’s something more to it than meets the eye. Rose finally nods. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” She starts to walk away before she turns back. “Ben?”

He doesn’t answer for a second and then finally blinks, like he’s coming out of some sort of trance. “Yes?”

“Welcome to the Resistance.” And then Rose is gone.

“That went…” Rey starts to say.

“Better than expected?” Ben finishes for her.

She turns to him and goes up on her toes to press a soft kiss to his lips. “Far better.”

“It won’t tomorrow when we face everyone else.” The words are grim, and she knows there will he challenges ahead.

“Probably,” she says, gripping his hand and weaving their fingers together. “But we’ll face that tomorrow. Together.”

He nods. “Together.” They share a soft smile. That’s more important than anything, Rey realizes. They’re here. They’re together. Whatever happens, whatever threats come their way, they have each other. “Show me the way to our quarters then, oh great Jedi.”

And she laughs, tugging him after her. It’s one more night, she realizes. One more night where it’s just _them_. They can stay wrapped up in each other and worry about whatever will happen tomorrow when the light rises and the Resistance finds out their newest member has arrived.


End file.
